AboutJim Swanson Expertise I have often helped gays in their challenge to understand what it means to come out and how best to start down that road. I have and also helped gays to reconcile the often difficult struggle of being gay and being a Christian. I now understand one of God's truths more clearly: Our pain is not wasted when we can reach around and comfort another coming along behind us on the same path.
Experience I too had to deal with these issues when I finally accepted who I was and started down my own path to come out. It is difficult to imagine now how much I have changed and how much I have learned as I traveled this most curious journey. For many years, I have hosted a website to address this issue and to help others.
Expert: Jim Swanson Date: 6/30/2008 Subject: Attaction
Question Hi,
I have asked you a question before, and fianlly after having accepted who I am. I started to wonder. I am an artist, meaning skinny and clean, and alittle girly who plays the Harp/piano and draws quite well to the point that if someone sees my drawing, they would go WO! But I am attracted to very masculin and medium soild muscular guys, virile in other words. Then, philosophically, other gay men would feel the same as me too, regardless if they are muscular or skinny. Then, I have once talked to a gay guy in a game, he told me that muscular guys like skinny guys, which lightened my soul. And, girls are usually quite attracted by me as well, because of my arts. But I am not ugly either, but I am the kind of clean and really young looking, I am 17 but ppl think I am 14. Should I start acting alittle more manly? After my phiolosophy class, one theory says that habits will become you character. So, if I force myself to act more manly, day after day it, it will become who I am. What do you think?
Another thing is, my brother found out that I was gay, because my stupid cousin told him, and he has checked my history and saw some gay sites. I can't believe how much I hate him now, how dare he touch my private stuffs!! He is now, showing me some lesbians videos and porn no-stop saying "don't be gay, man". That really irritates me, that creature. What do you suggest me to do? And if he tells my parents about it, I am basically doomed.
Thank you sincerely for your time,
Nicol
Answer Hi again Nicol,
First, your question about who is attracted to whom and how you should act is easy. Trust me, there is someone for everyone and in the gay community, the attraction to others runs the gamut. In fact, I would suggest to you that the way you describe yourself sounds like what many are looking for and attracted to. I myself have never been attracted to the butch or masculine guys with too much muscle. You know, it is just like being gay and being attracted to guys... you like what you like. And as for not being (or acting like) who you are, I don't think that is a good idea at all. Just be yourself and you will be liked (and loved) for who you are.
As for your brother, I guess I would certainly tell him that what is your private stuff is off limits to him. And maybe... if you think he is able to listen and understand, you can try to explain that you are just being who you are just as he is. You are both attracted to what you like and it is NOT a choice. Why should he even care?
