AboutTedd Adams Expertise I can answer questions related to gay life in general, but also specifically questions about gay youth, coming out, dealing with family issues, religion and homosexuality, and workplace issues. I have also visited many of the popular gay travel destinations and can give you advice on what is worth seeing and what is not.
Experience I have been a volunteer facilitator for a state-sponsored gay youth support group, where we dealt with all of the issues mentioned above.
Publications Tulsa World, Muskogee Phoenix, Tulsa Family News, About Business Magazine, Contributor to the book "I Can't Believe You Asked That!", by Phillip J. Milano
Education/Credentials Associates degree, Biblical Studies, Kentucky Christian College
Bachelors of Science, John Brown University, Psychology
Masters in Organizational Management, University of Phoenix (Tulsa OK campus).
Expert: Tedd Adams Date: 6/23/2008 Subject: Is the guy I like gay?
Question I am 20 years old and gay. I started work at my current job a year ago (a thirty-five mile drive). My boss is the only person whose knows i'm gay. A week after I started, I was talking with a girlfriend of mine, and her guy friend came up. We have become friends since then, and I really like him a lot, I have even changed around a lot in my life so we could be around one another more. The only problem is I don't know if he's gay or not. I have talked to our friends, and they say he has had tons of relationships with girls, but they usually only last a week, somtimes less. He even decided to move into the town where we work and asked me if I wanted to move in with him! I have a small feeling he is gay, but am too terrified to say anything about it. If he isn't gay, it would more than likely cost me his friendship, as well as some of my other friends, and my relationship with my dad as well. My boss thinks I should wait until I move in with him, and see how he acts when it's just us before I tell him. I'm not sure, because if I move in and tell him and he is straight, I figure he won't want me living there, and I won't have a place to live, because once I leave from home I'm not allowed to move back in.
Answer Hi Christopher
First of all, I agree with you completely that it would be a bad idea to tell this guy how you feel after you move in together, especially if you think there's ANY chance he'll take it badly, which it seem you do.
You have too much at stake to take such an unnecessary risk. From what you've written, there's no pressing need for you to move out, so there is no downside to staying put. Conversely, if you do move in with him, you could find yourself homeless, with fewer friends and with a strained relationship with your dad. That's a pretty steep risk/benefit ratio.
Secondly, what is it that makes you think this guy is gay? You've not told me anything at all about how he acts, other than going through a lot of girlfriends in quick succession. That could simply means he sleeps with them right away and quickly gets bored with them. Not exactly compelling evidence of a homo orientation.
It seems to me that you've allowed yourself to become so fascinated with this guy that you're willing to throw out any sense of rationality. Sure, it's great to be romantic and spontaneous sometimes, but not when there's so much at stake and so little evidence that your pursuit may be worthwhile.
