AboutKade Williams Expertise I can help with any questions that you have about coming out, dealing with those around you, dealing with fantasises that you may have, dating and anything else that you may have trouble with or that are concerned about your sexuality so just ask away and I will help in the best way I can.
Experience Being gay myself and having experienced all issues about being gay and dealing with those around me.
Education/Credentials Post Graduate in Communications
Expert: Kade Williams Date: 7/9/2008 Subject: I Think I Like my straight friend
Question QUESTION: ok So I have some problems. Me and my bestfriend have a great relationship. Theirs one problem, he is straight, and Im a in the closet bi guy, who acts very straight and does everything s straight guys does to hide the fact that I wont come out. But lately my friend has been maybe giving me the idea that their might be some liking..or he is jus being friendly. See he lives where I moved from , cause I left for college. But we talk on the phone pretty much every night, and we text all day. We talk about everything. One night after a conversation he told me he loved me..now I was sick so Im assuming it was jus bein nice..but now he says it alot through text and email, most of the time when Im feeling down about somethin....again, could jus be being nice. But the thing that is driving me crzy is that he is pressuring me to move back home or he move here in texas and him and I live together. He really wants to do that! Now we are both single and he has had some girl problems as far as relationships goes, but has sex with them freq..But when we do get on the topic of relationships, I dont know if its because he had a bad one with a girl, but when I tell him Im not lookin for a girl cause their are no real good girls out their, he seems to always say, thats right! If they come they do if not then oh well..No Im assuming all of this would be going on while we are living together, which i plan on doing in the near year. Im jus confused, maybe he is jus being a nice friend when he says I love you. One day I sent him a text cause we were talkin about relationships and our soon to be new place cause I had been lookin,and I said that the girls in texas are hard to get...and if it dont work out who needs them we have eachother..well he text back and said it sounded gay and not to say that too him.jk...but jus the other night the email he pretty much said the same thing back to me. I dont know, Im not assuming he is gay bi or anything, but Im jus confused. Maybe he is being a good friend.But I act pretty straight and have never been told by one of my straight friends that they love me..and say it alot. We talk all the time, and we tell eachother our feelings about certain situations, life and stuff. I always tell him that Im still trying to find myself as a person, and that I dont fully know who I am or who I will become..and he is in the same situation.But I jus wanted to get your view. Its so much easier to understand on the phone while talking cause its so much through writing..He jus really seem like he wants to be around me, alot of people find comfort in me, but I have never had anyone like greg be so demanding on us living together, and everytime I mention things that we could do, he always mentions the ladies..lol..Like we are making plans to go to jamiaca and to brazil..and he jus wants me and him..but makes sure to always blurt out and the ladies..lol.i dont know its funny. Whatcha think?
ANSWER: Hi Deon,
I think that he may just being friendly and that he feels comfortable around you saying these things, although he could be falling for you and he may be scared about how society will see him if he comes out.
I suggest that you keep up the talking and the relationship that you both have.
If you feel that he may be gay or something then ask him jokingly, or you could ask him as if you are curious if he would ever do anything with a male.
Otherwise I feel that you should leave it as just friends, and if he moves in then relax and see what happens you could be pleasantly surprised.
Also I would suggest that if he is your best friend then it would be a good idea to let him know who you are, only when you are ready there is no need to rush.
Good Luck
Kade
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Yeah I think thats all he is being, is just friendly. Like I said, people are comfortable around me, and they feel comfort in telling me their feelings and so on. I do plan to keep us as friends, cause I dont want to ruin our friendship. Its gonna be hard tryin to forget this whole thing, i figured If I distanced myself from him a little bit, I might get over it, but Im not sure. Im goin to see him in a few weeks,and I want to talk about our future as friends, and see where he see's us goin. I do plan on telling him who I am, not soon of course, but am a little scared cause I guess he homophobic..I try to test that by bringing up some scenrio's that have mostly to do with someone gay or an event like gay pride, he laughs it off and pushes it aside but I figured most straight guys do. But I have another plan to see how he feels about the whole situation...So do you think its a good plan to maybe tone down the friendship so that Im not being driven crazy without pushing him out my life?
ANSWER: Hi Deon,
It seems like the best thing to do at the moment, just don't push him too far otherwise the friendship will be ruined.
I think that the way you are going about things with him is good.
If at any time you feel you want the relationship to pick up again just communicate more with him.
Best of Luck with him.
If you have any more questions do not hesitate to ask.
Good Luck
Kade
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Not that Im worried or anything..but what would you say about him lettin me sleep with him when I go visit? Cause I asked him where would I be sleepin when I came, and he said with him..Im not worried too much about it, cause I know he means well. But at the same time who does that?
Answer Hi Deon,
I suggest that you do not look into it as a flirt, but more of him just trusting you and being his friend.
Although do not completely get the idea out of your head that he may be hinting to you that he likes you.
Just act as a friend unless he makes an obvious move. Besides most friends don't mind sharing a bed with a friend it just means he feels comfortable around you.
