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About Adriaan Pretorius
Expertise
Any questions on how to come out, handling people close to you, handling the pressures of being gay in society, going out, seeking a partner, etc. are welcome. I live in South Africa and may have a unique perspective on gay live, as gays do not live openly and have been scorned for a long time here. If you need to speak to someone, and no one wants to listen, I will try my best to be a friend when you have none.

Experience
I am a gay male who have lived the life as someone that had to hide it from everyone for a long time until coming out some years back. I know how it feels to be 'in' and 'out' and have had diverse experiences in relationships. I have had friends who hated gay life, gay bashers, friends who understood me.

Education/Credentials
I have a postgraduate degree in Science. I have worked together with and currently work with homosexual and heterosexuals in my environment.

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Gay Life > Gay Life > Super depresing crush

Gay Life - Super depresing crush

Expert: Adriaan Pretorius - 10/29/2009

Question
Ey im 18 and wel.... Gay .. The whole situation started at the begining of last year.. I were in class minding my own business when i notiched that this guy(lets just call him r) was staring at me at first i didnt care much and went on with wateva i were doing .later in time my teacher rearanged the class and he sat right next to me i felt realy uncomfortable because he would continouisly stare at me when he thinks im not looking ... Needless to say i later didnt mind him looking at me he is realy damn hot so i just went with the flow ..... Then i fell for him ... I loved class just so i could see him ..(and he could see me) we didnt talk to each other at all just watchin..... Drooling over one another.. The year passed and this year came... He was in my class again ... He staring at me with those beautifull blue eyes....(no realy they are blue ive examend his face when he is not looking at me) wel its almost the end of this year and we stil havnt talked a single word to each other every time he comer near me i get thousands of butterflies in my belly and i feel this rush coming over my body... But stil i cant even open my mouth to say hi ... I start with my matric final exams on friday and dont know what to do i am so depressed with the fact that i am almost out of time seeing him that i cant even open a book to study

Answer
Hey hey buddy!

Boy you have it hard, hehe! I am not laughing at you, k? I'm laughing at this absolutely fantastic adventure you are on! I remember my first guy, those butterflies. those rushes. It is the strongest thing ever! OK, back to you, I guess what you're asking is what to do? Well, you don't have to talk to him directly, why not leave him a message? Why not leave him an email, or a note on his car or bike or whatever. Why not give a note to one of you girl friends to give to him when you're not around?

OK, so you don't want to make a move now, because it's exams and all. Just think about it, he is probably going through the exact same thing! I would say, the only way to get this over with is to act now. You don't have to go all out, just say hi, and I mean in some note or txt, if you don't want to do it for real. Just remember, he is just a human like you! You have built this bigger-than-life image of him in your mind, but he is just as confused and scared and mixed up :-) Guaranteed, he won't react weird if you were to say hi. He will probably be completely and utter relieved! I think he is even more scared than you! Why not take lead here, my friend, and just say hi? Why don't you start the conversation with something that you both will be able to talk about? You don't have to talk about anything personal, why not talk about school, or other people in school, or music or movies or anything? Start off with something like: hi, this coming exam's going to be terrible hey? ... He will be grateful, believe me :-)

Don't be depro, buddy, this is a fun thing and the most brilliant thing than can ever happen! Why not help him out of his misery and say hi!

If you want to chat some more, write back, we can take it step by step ok?

Good luck!
Adriaan

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