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About Tedd Adams
Expertise
I can answer questions related to gay life in general, but also specifically questions about gay youth, coming out, dealing with family issues, religion and homosexuality, and workplace issues. I have also visited many of the popular gay travel destinations and can give you advice on what is worth seeing and what is not.

Experience
I have been a volunteer facilitator for a state-sponsored gay youth support group, where we dealt with all of the issues mentioned above.

Publications
Tulsa World, Muskogee Phoenix, Tulsa Family News, About Business Magazine, Contributor to the book "I Can't Believe You Asked That!", by Phillip J. Milano

Education/Credentials
Associates degree, Biblical Studies, Kentucky Christian College
Bachelors of Science, John Brown University, Psychology
Masters in Organizational Management, University of Phoenix (Tulsa OK campus).

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Gay Life > Gay Life > iam 15 nd... i m in love wit my best friend he 24.. and i dont think am gay

Gay Life - iam 15 nd... i m in love wit my best friend he 24.. and i dont think am gay

Expert: Tedd Adams - 10/19/2009

Question
am 15 and my best friend is 23 he knows i have had sex with another guy because me and him were playing truth or dare and he asked me if i would ever have sex with a guy i said yes and i confessed myself to him. as kept playing he wanted to ask me something but didnt have the guts to do it. we were both drunk but he was more intoxicated than me so i remeber how he would start to ask me a question he would say "ok ill ask yu something but you have to answer it with the absolute truth...oh nevermind i forgot." he did that like 3 times.. the other day we were getting a ride home and we were both in the back seat drunk and it was cold out he saw me shiver and through a coat on me than a while later he hugged me and told me i was his bestes friend he does the all the time but this time he hugged(his hand on my shoulder type of hug) all the way to my house. he's 24 so he has had quiet a few girls in his life he always tells me about them (i knew like 1 or 2). lately ive noticed how i am feeling towards him and i am very confused. even though he knows about me and this guy that i had sex with i dont think he thinks i gay .. i dont even know if i am i have had a few girlfiends but i never truely liked them ... i konw i young but i living my life at a really fast pace.. i dont konw if i should come out to him maybe let him know i bi and how i feeling . what should i do??

Answer
Hi Jose

Regarding your question of whether you are gay or bi, I would suggest that it doesn't really matter what you call yourself. The most important thing to remember is to pursue relationships that feel fulfilling for you. That may be with a man or with a woman, and that could change over time. Just always be true to your feelings and you can't go wrong.

Now, as far as this guy you've got a crush on... the first thing I have to point out is that even assuming he may be interested in you, you have to realize you would be putting him in a very dangerous situation, because of the age difference and because you are a minor. In every state, a person who is 23 or 24 can be charged with statutory rape if he is involved with a 15 year old. It does not matter that you are a willing participant in the sex. He can be charged, sentenced to prison and be required to register as a sex offender for life. This will permanently affect his ability to get a job, where he can live, who he can associate with, and more. It is not worth the risk.

So, having said that, I absolutely recommend you not pursue this guy. If you choose to ignore my advice, however, I would say from what you've described, he might be interested in you in return. His behavior seems to indicate that. His hesitation may be either because he has not come to terms with his own sexuality yet, or it may well be that he's scared to death to get involved with someone who is 15, given all the risks I mentioned, and rightfully so. I would urge you to not pursue it.

Best wishes,

Tedd

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