AboutGary Expertise I can answer questions about coming out as well as dealing with family members who are (and are not) supportive. I can also answer questions about gay marriage.
Experience I have worked closely with Mass Equality to fight for the right for people of all genders and lifestyles to get married.
Education/Credentials BA- English-Sociology-Psychology
I year - New England School of Law
Question I am hoping you can make this easier on me? For years now, at least 20, I have known that I am gay or bi-sexual. I have had sexual relations with two males when I was a teenager but also married a female when I was in my early twenties. I have a son who is 10 and I love him so much. Some of my friends joke with me about me being gay because I don't want a relationship with anyone right now. I have been divorced for six years and have dated women since but nothing that ever lasted long. I still find myself interested in men and I really don't know what to do because I do not want this to affect my relationship with my son? I also do not want to risk losing any of my close friends or even family members? All I want is to be happy and meet someone, someone that I am interested in and not a hook up from someone else. Please help me with some suggestions? I have never hit on a male and wouldn't even know where to start since I live in a fairly small community.
Answer Jody,
You are not alone. There are many men out there in your same situation. If you come out to your family and friends you will not lose them and you will certainly not lose the love of your son. He's 10. He loves you for who you are. His father.
You say that all you want is to meet someone and be happy. Don't you think that's what your son wants for you as well? He's probably not looking for another mother. He already has one of those.
One of the most common misconceptions is that when a person comes out all their family and friends will hate them. This is not true. What is true is that people that love you now will love you even more when they see you happy and living the life you feel comfortable in. Any people that you would "lose" could not have truly loved you in the first place.
I like to tell people that coming out is like "rocking the boat". People see you as one thing and when you come out you "rock the boat". Some people will surprise you and say they always knew. Some people will say they are shocked and surprised and some people may even be hurt you never told them. Whatever the reaction eventually the boat settles down and people will still love you. Some love you even more because now you can truly be 100% yourself and they may feel they know you even better than they did before.
But the bottom line is you have to do what makes "you" happy. Life is too short to settle for less. You have already spent enough time "making everyone else happy". Now it's your turn.
You can meet other gay single men on the Internet (not always my first suggestion since most are not looking for any kind of "long-term" relationship) but I think the best way is to check if there are any gay-friendly groups in your area. For example, I run a weekly group session for young teens and adults dealing with coming out. This is a great way to not only learn about yourself but also meet men in the same situation.
I wish you all the best and always remember to follow your heart..........
