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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Gay Life > Gay Life > Confusion
Expert: Kade Williams - 11/5/2009
Question
Hey Kade,
I need to give you a little back story of my current relationship. I met this guy a year ago. He had just started to come out to his friends, and, like most of us, go through a rough time after letting the word get out. We started just hanging out as friends, and then progressively moved into a relationship. At the beginning I knew he was trying to study abroad the following semester, but had a pending acceptance. he finds out he was accepted, but we never discussed what would happen to the relationship. A few days later he said he did not want to continue the relationship because he did not want to try the distance. I understand completely but I still experienced a good amount of sadness. A week passes by and he invites me out for lunch. He proceeds to tell me that he wants to try it out and that he missed me. Since I had strong feelings for him I definitely wanted to give it another shot, So I went in again. a few days before we left for holiday he backs out again and says he can't do it. At this point I am at my max with confusion and sadness.
Flash forward to February. I started getting emails from him on a weekly/bi-weekly basis through out the following months saying that he missed me and wanted to give it another shot when he came back. I saw this as just being lonely in a weird country. I still had feelings for him but always replied back with a "we will play it by ear" approach.
He came back and we started talking again, and once again, I fell back into it. now that we have been dating again for about 3.5 months. Everything has been fine, until recently. Here is my point. Some of his friends are coming from out of town, one being a gay male who he considers his confidant. He said that both of them may be staying at his place but definitely the gay male and that he wanted a strictly friends weekend, and wanted some one-on-one time with him to talk about stuff and he would prefer if I stay at my place. He says it is strictly a platonic relationship, and I believe him but it just seems a little sketchy that I can't stay over at all. I am frustrated because of the weirdness of the situation and that the only time we get a good amount of time together is on the weekend. During the week we hang out once or twice for lunch no more than an hour because of his busy schedule. I do cherish the time we do spend together and I do trust him, I am just worried that there is more to this than he is willing to tell me. Based on our past I never know if one day he will throw me another break up for some reason. I feel like our time together is already short and to have to one time during the week where we can have a lot of time together has been removed for this week.
My question is: Am I reading into the situation too much and over reacting or am I reacting like any normal person would in this situation?
Hope all is well, and thanks for everything.
Anthony
Answer
Hi Anthony,
Sorry I have not responded sooner, I have been out-of-state,
I don't personally think that you are reading too much into it, you are feeling what most men would in your situation, you are scared he is going behind your back.
Since you have had so many 'break-ups' it is normal for you to feel that the only reason he wants you is so he can have you when he is lonely.
I suggest you tell him that you really want to get more time with him and that he needs to work out his schedule if he wants to fit you in.
(You have a life aswell)
Let him know that you want to spend time with him and he will need to figure something out. If he drops you again, leave it, don't go back to him no matter how hard it may be.
Hope this helps,
Good Luck and Best Wishes,
Kade
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