Expert: Kay - 11/5/2009

Question
Hi, I'm a 21 year old guy who was closeted gay throughout my teenage years, but found myself very guilty since I couldn't accept it and didn't want to live as a gay guy. I was shy, insecure and bit girly for a long time until I made straight male friends and started getting out to see the real world. I started to find girls attractive, but just not more than guys. That's when I gained confidence and manliness as well. While looking for ways to change my sexuality I came across this site that supports people trying to change (their theory is that being gay is psychological due to the lack of male figures in ones childhood). I believe in their theory since I could easily relate to it. I talked with people on there and lots of effort, last year I very was convinced that I'm not gay. I stopped watching porn all day. I found girls sexually attractive and all.

People from that site warned me to stick with my belief since i had been confused for so many years and that habit might make me confused again. And guess what? That's what exactly happened. I don't have many friends and started watching porn all day and came across guys in them which made me confused again. I think I might be bi, but then there are times I get disgusted by the thought of guys. For the first time I slept with some guys few months ago and didn't enjoy it (I've never slept with a girl). But I enjoy gay/male porn. Now I'm thinking it might just be that psychological habit which is pulling me back again or that habit of liking male porn. I can't be happy even as a bi and that's the reason I'm so concerned about my sexuality now. Please help me out.

Answer
Hi Harry,

No one can really help YOU but YOU. I understand the confusion because I went/go through the same thing but its a matter of being true to self. You may get disgusted with having sex with men because its something that you haven't fully come to terms with.
Also groups/websites/forums can be a great help when you feel alone but you have to make your own decisions. If you are truly gay there is no running from it. Yes you can try to date women and like it but sooner or later the urges and or thoughts come back. You have to know what truly turns you on as between men and women.
So what do you think happened to make these thoughts come back up again? You said you were doing good and was attracted to females. What happened?