AboutJim Swanson Expertise I have often helped gays in their challenge to understand what it means to come out and how best to start down that road. I have and also helped gays to reconcile the often difficult struggle of being gay and being a Christian. I now understand one of God's truths more clearly: Our pain is not wasted when we can reach around and comfort another coming along behind us on the same path.
Experience I too had to deal with these issues when I finally accepted who I was and started down my own path to come out. It is difficult to imagine now how much I have changed and how much I have learned as I traveled this most curious journey. For many years, I have hosted a website to address this issue and to help others.
Question Dear Mr. Swanson (like the broth! That makes me smile),
As I'm sure you are well aware this weekend, at least in MI where I live, is "Pride" and it will be my first time attending. I am an openly gay 18 year old male. I've just graduated high school and have been out since I was 16.
As I'm sure you're also aware, there are many stereotypes placed on the gay community. We're all expected to be dressed in high-end labels and work in occupations such as interior design or hair styling.
For the past four years (I'm nearly 19), I have noticed that more and more men fall into the stereotypes that the rest of the world places them into (promiscuity,femininity to the point of it being an irritating act, everyone and their mother being a bottom and talking about their ideal "man" despite the fact that there doesn't seem to be any left) and I must admit it's very disconcerting and makes me wonder how any of us can have any sort of "Pride" about being gay at all.
I've used this site before, for a totally unrelated question with a different person. But I'm curious, as an expert...what are your thoughts? And how do you manage to get through daily life without loosing faith in our community due to all the men (and women I'm sure) that fall into these stereotypes.
Sincerely,
Matthew
PS. I do realize that some people fall into stereotypes naturally. I, for example, have grown up with musical theatre and enjoy it very much. Those types of things don't bother me about our community. What does is the men who act so flamboyantly gay that it's annoying (think that one guy off Will and Grace). I don't think anyone is like that naturally and they don't seem to realize they're creating a very negative stigma for the rest of us.
Answer Hey Matthew,
Oh sweetie... don't be such a drama queen! I'm just kidding about that first remark but I couldn't resist. OK, to start with, I guess I would say that for the most part I have to agree with you but the stereotype images that bothers me are the ones that all gay guys are not monogamous, think of nothing but sex, and hop on anything with with a dick that is breathing. Then there's the image some folks have that we are all child molesters. Well,I like sex too but its not what I am all about and not what I expect others to think of when they think of gays. So, yes... we do have some stereotypes that really don't do us any good.
Hey, I love to work on cars, do carpentry, fishing, and enjoy watching some sports. All things associated with lesbians I guess. Yet there is a piece of me that is a little fem too. What is important for me is that I can be who I am and act just as I want. For me, I really don't care too much what other think we are all about. Anyone that takes the time to know me, and I have many friends, know I am not like all those stereotypes.
My partner (or 10 years) and I go to a men's only gay resort in Key West every year and I know the first time we went I was expecting to see all the guys just as you described. What we found is that 90% of the guys there looked and acted for the most part like any straight guy. However, we also find that we do tend to loosen up a bit when in a gay environment and we do flirt, call others 'Sweetie' and in other small ways, tend to be a little more stereotypical. I think mostly because it is fun. I have grown to be more accepting of how some gays are flamboyant. Hey, it's their life and after all, we all are working to be accepted. That's really what its all about. I have also come to understand what Gay Pride is about and why it is important. For me, it's not so much that I am proud but that I am not ashamed.
I hope you do go to pride this weekend and I encourage you to let your hair down and just have fun. I bet you make some friends.
