AboutAdriaan Pretorius Expertise Any questions on how to come out, handling people close to you, handling the pressures of being gay in society, going out, seeking a partner, etc. are welcome. I live in South Africa and may have a unique perspective on gay live, as gays do not live openly and have been scorned for a long time here. If you need to speak to someone, and no one wants to listen, I will try my best to be a friend when you have none.
Experience I am a gay male who have lived the life as someone that had to hide it from everyone for a long time until coming out some years back. I know how it feels to be 'in' and 'out' and have had diverse experiences in relationships. I have had friends who hated gay life, gay bashers, friends who understood me.
Education/Credentials I have a postgraduate degree in Science. I have worked together with and currently work with homosexual and heterosexuals in my environment.
Question Yesterday I awoke to see my iPod touch removed from the side of my bed
and placed in a different spot. I have been using it for the past week to check
my facebook. When I checked the history to go back, I discovered it was
flooded with gay porn websites. This isn't the first time. My parents are
divorced and at each if their houses they have had to confront me and my
brother together because thier history on the computers had gay website
history. Well my itouch proved that it was him. My mother confronted him
because the sites appeared while I was away, and he responded to her in a
mildly defensive and angry tone.
He's never shown interest in girls, and usually listens to feminine music.
How do I confront him positivley? I have lesbian and gay friends, but I'm
afraid to ask them for advice before I even talk to him. He's 14 and I'm 17.
So is this just him finding what he wants? Their were a few straights sites.
But only about 1/3 of didn't start with gay.
Answer Hi there Deejay
From what you've said about having gay friends, you don't seem to mind having them, right? So you wouldn't mind your brother being gay either? Does he know you have gay friends?
It might be a little early to assume your brother is gay, though. If he is not comfortable about it himself (being defensive and mysterious about it), then he might still need some time to discover what he want sexually. Even though I would never advertise porn as a good thing, maybe it's a 'safer' alternative for your brother, finding out just what he wants from a sexual partner, instead of going out and doing crazy things with just about everybody!
You need to show your brother you are fine with the whatever he chooses. Start to talk about guys in a way that shows him your not really influenced about what/who he chooses in the end. So if you see a hot girl in the mall, tell him that you like the hot girl. If you see a hot guy in the mall, as him if that's his style. Show him, that you are comfortable talking about it. He will probably like the idea of having an older brother who he can confide in, especially if your parents are a little strict about this stuff. If you approach it in a way that is not 'a big deal', he will relax about it too.
Just remember, at 14 hormones are running wild, so he might just have been horny and curious about other guys, not really gay. Maybe he has some issues about his physical body, maybe he thinks his penis is too small, or different from other guys and he was looking up some pictures on the net to find out if he's normal.
