AboutAdriaan Pretorius Expertise Any questions on how to come out, handling people close to you, handling the pressures of being gay in society, going out, seeking a partner, etc. are welcome. I live in South Africa and may have a unique perspective on gay live, as gays do not live openly and have been scorned for a long time here. If you need to speak to someone, and no one wants to listen, I will try my best to be a friend when you have none.
Experience I am a gay male who have lived the life as someone that had to hide it from everyone for a long time until coming out some years back. I know how it feels to be 'in' and 'out' and have had diverse experiences in relationships. I have had friends who hated gay life, gay bashers, friends who understood me.
Education/Credentials I have a postgraduate degree in Science. I have worked together with and currently work with homosexual and heterosexuals in my environment.
Question my Girlfriend of 9 months recently told me that she was bisexual. She isn't too open about it, she has only told a select few of people she feels close to, about 6 or so. I thought it was really cool how she can trust me with it. i have no problem with bisexual or gay individuals, i actually have a very good friend who is gay.
Anyways getting to the problem. my girlfriend is one of those chatrooms types, she has many online friends from distant areas. and she often "dirty" talks with them, for the most part jokingly. and she likes to point out how hot a girl to me, or how she wants to marry her all time idol who appends to be a women. i laugh about it but it makes me feel quite weird to think about it. i almost never can even imagine myself with anyone else besides her, and i cant help to think she can see herself with someone else. i can almost say i am in love with her, and i know she almost loves me, but for some reason I'm quite scared she will leave me not for something i do, but cause she is bored with men. does something like this happen often? i know you don't know her, but is it common for bisexuals to leave their partners for opposite sex people? or am i just over reacting? these comments and things she says to her friends happen quite offten and make me feel uneasy. we're both in our teens, and this is one of my 1st serious relationships, so him not to sure what to think. im also fairly uneasy about talking to her about it. i have asked for advice from my gay friend but i would like a second opinion on the matter.
Answer Hi there Phil
It's almost always so, that a bisexual person will leave their current partner for the opposite sex. Bisexual people tend to alternate between the two. It's hard to tell from your letter how things are currently looking in your relationship, but if she just recently told you, then I think she was trying to tell you that she is thinking of moving on. You must remember also that she is probably still figuring out what sexuality she really is into. I'm not totally convinced she really is bisexual. Most teens say they are, but it's an excuse to try both sides :) Nothing wrong with that! She might go for girl and even come back to you when she sees the 'other side' is not easier.
If you want to keep her, you need to fight for her, show her she is going to miss you, that you can offer her something that someone else (whether that person is a girl or a guy!) can't give her. Other than that, if she has already decided she's going to leave you, then there's not much you can do to stop her. Can't force her to like you, right? If you think your relationshop is strong enough, you need to tell her your feelings here. Tell her, that you don't mind her being bi, but you would prefer she talk dirty to you, not THEM! Also tell her that you need to know if she feels the same way, and that you can't really see yourself without her. She might respond to this with something like 'I don't want something so serious at the moment, I need to still try different things', then you know where you stand.
