AboutGary Expertise I can answer questions about coming out as well as dealing with family members who are (and are not) supportive. I can also answer questions about gay marriage.
Experience I have worked closely with Mass Equality to fight for the right for people of all genders and lifestyles to get married.
Education/Credentials BA- English-Sociology-Psychology
I year - New England School of Law
Question Im almost 22. I've been dating this wonderful girl for 6 years. I've always loved her and have felt a deep emotional and physical connection. Recently however my gay uncle moved in. I've never thought I could be gay untill he came around. I would compare myself to him and it would bug me out. I didnt want us to be similar in any way because I felt I would be perceived as gay. A couple days after that my girlfriend and I were hanging out watching T.V. A show with a gay man came on. At some point during the show I noticed that gay people gave me anxiety. Oddly though that anxiety sent me spiraling. It made me question whether or not I was gay. I've never been attracted to men, not emotionally or physically. I still don't feel attractions to them. I feel like I may have HOCD. I've been questioning myself daily since that event. I've researched and find that I feel how most HOCD sufferers feel. Reading on it reassures me but only for so long. I find myself wanting to have sex with my girlfriend alot as a form of "checking". Thankfully I find that I am still able to get erect from her with out much anxiety or problem. Admittingly though, there is moments where I will question if its genuine or if im subconsciously thinking of men. I use to wake up erect and would rid of it in the shower myself. Lately though I've been finding that hard to do because I start thinking of a female then I try thinking of a man and I lose my erection. Its reassuring but at the same time I still keep questioning my sexuality. I've always been OCD and paranoid just never about my sexual orientation. It makes me depressed and anxious thinking that I could be gay. Not because of what my family or friends will think but how it makes me feel. I don't like the feeling that I could be. This is really ruining me though. I can hang out with guys and not feel anxiety. I don't feel attracted to them when I hang with them but I still bug that I could be gay. I hate this feeling. I wake up in the morning and my day feels worthless. I don't like that I sometimes feel like my attraction towards women has been a lie. I've never fantasized about men only women even when I was young. I feel like is HOCD but then I feel like what the fuck maybe Im gay and just don't know it. How can i tell!? I don't want to be with a man ever. Im confused and don't know if i was clear enough to get an answer. Am I gay or HOCD?
Answer Alphie,
If you have no sexual attraction for men then most likely you are not gay. It sounds more to me like you may be homophobic and this is something you can discuss with a psychologist or social worker.
It sounds like you have more of a fear of "being gay" than anything beyond that.
I would suggest you seek counseling to not only get some relief from your HOCD but also to explore your fear of being a homosexual.
