Expert: Jim Swanson - 6/11/2009

Question
hi,my name is eric 17 i realise i was into guys 2months ago when a guy told me he was in love with me and we started to go out we already had sex  but there is one prob he makes love to me when ever we are together he has no prob proforming more than once a day but when it is my turn to do it to him i can't i get soft so i do not be able to do him is there a problem with me he is my first guy  and sex partner  but i have been able to make love to him once or twice but i don't always get tru

Answer
Hi Eric,

First off... congratulations on coming to understand that you are gay. I hope your experience is as wonderful as mine has been and that you live your life to the fullest.

Now, as for your concern about not always being able to perform as often as you would like. The first think you need to remember is that we are all individuals and like everything else, our sexual needs and abilities vary. Sure, some guys can and want sex once or more each day but certainly, that is not normal for everyone. It is also possible that other factors are effecting your performance. First, I am assuming you are talking about anal intercourse and maybe that is not what YOU need. We all have different needs and enjoy some forms of sex more than others. I know that for me, anal sex is not that important. You need to be sure you both discuss your needs and desires freely. You both need to know what the other likes and dislikes. Another thing that can be affecting you is the pressure to preform. Once you have had a problem, you will get that in your mind and feel pressure the next time you are in the same situation. Also, drugs and alcohol effects some of us. For me, if I have several drinks, I don't perform as well. Lastly, if you are using a condom, if it is too tight, that too will kill your erection.

Most of all, just relax and enjoy each other. There is nothing wrong with just cuddling and being close without needing to get off every time you are together. and remember... be open and honest with each other regarding all aspects of your relationship.

I hope this helps... Jim