AboutAdriaan Pretorius Expertise Any questions on how to come out, handling people close to you, handling the pressures of being gay in society, going out, seeking a partner, etc. are welcome. I live in South Africa and may have a unique perspective on gay live, as gays do not live openly and have been scorned for a long time here. If you need to speak to someone, and no one wants to listen, I will try my best to be a friend when you have none.
Experience I am a gay male who have lived the life as someone that had to hide it from everyone for a long time until coming out some years back. I know how it feels to be 'in' and 'out' and have had diverse experiences in relationships. I have had friends who hated gay life, gay bashers, friends who understood me.
Education/Credentials I have a postgraduate degree in Science. I have worked together with and currently work with homosexual and heterosexuals in my environment.
Question Hi, my situation is this:
I don't know what is going on with me, I've always like girls and they really turn me on when I see them, I've had sex with girls and I really enjoy it, I and all I picture in my life is getting married with a cute girl and having family, and love her so much, but from some years to here I find man attractive but just sexually attractive and seeing some guys it turns me on and I go to the point of masturbating having those gay thoughts, but after masturbating I freak out of what I did, but it happens and happens all over and again and again, almost everyday imaging the pleasure of feeling a guy. But I feel so desperate cause I do not wan to be gay, I don't picture a gay life and I wouldn't like it ( I have never have sex with a guy, but I think if I get to that point I will enjoy it but after that I think I'll kill myself) so every day I fight against this thought to not get to that point. I really like woman and I really like the idea of being and having a straight life until I die, but how can I treat this desire to have sex with a guy? I think I am not gay or bisexual cause I really like being straight and girls, I just like guy sexually but not hanging out with them of having a relation ship it never comes to mi mind its just fiscal attraction, same with girls but with girls I love to picture something deepest that fiscal attraction like a relation ship and marriage it really excites me.
I'd like to think what I have is: HOCD (homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder) a mental health problem or a masturbation disorder
I need help!
Answer Hello there Christian!
Let me start off by saying, that in my opinion you are not gay. I don't even think you are bi. Why? Well, gay people really have the exact same feelings towards a partner than a straight person does. The only, ONLY difference, is that that partner is the same gender as them. Nothing else defines someone as homo or hetero, not being openly gay and flapping like queens, not punching another guy for looking at his girl, no amount of social behaviour can identify someone as gay or straight, the ONLY difference, is that their partners will be the same (or opposite) sex as them.
Kinda makes things easier, doesn't it? If you want to marry a girl, see yourself be with a girl, get butterflies in your stomach when you see a girl...then you're straight. If you want to do those things with a guy, you're gay. All the other fantasies and emotions you're experiencing while watching porn, that's just plain old horniness, I would say. I am gay, but I get turned on by straight porn, not because the guy is hot, but I can just imagine the pleasure he is getting from doing that girl! It's about identifying with the situation you're seeing onscreen.
So, to sum up, I don't think you have anything to worry about, you seem a healthy, hotblooded normal straight guy. If you as a straight dude want to kiss another dude some evening at a party, do it, doesn't make you gay, just horny (and normal!)
