Expert: Adriaan Pretorius - 7/17/2009

Question
QUESTION: dear adriaan

Remember when i first told you about the problem and how he stared at me sometimes and other things. do you think thats enough evidence to know if he likes me. because i dont want to make a fool of my self. and if i do LOVE this guy like you said and i know see that i do, i wold like to know. its just so confusing when you dont know if he likes you and hard not to mention when he acts like your not there. i accept that im bi am not ashamed or embarssed it acually feels nice, but im not at that stage when im ment to be coming out. this guy means alot to me and feels i thought i would never have have come, I know that may seem corny but not knowing is eating me up inside. and I just dont know if i can bring myself to ask him to put him in that situation.

Thanks for helping, and if you get back to me ASAP

From Max

ANSWER: Dear Max

If he is as sincere as you tell me, if he acts as good as you tell me he does, if he is as kind and considerate, then you should tell him.  You need to, because if you keep it inside you will just explode emotionally after a while and then you might lose your friend and any chance of finding out.

If I were you, I would tell him.  Don't push him into a corner or anything, just TELL him what you feel, and leave the decisions up to him.  Something like: "Listen, I need to tell you something.  I see you staring at me sometimes, and I must confess, I like it.  I like you, and was wondering if you felt the same.".  Keep it short and honest.  If you read that sentence you might think 'Is Adriaan mad?  I can't do that!'... but I still ask you, what is the worst that can happen?  He can say no, that's all!  Yes, it might not be what you want to hear, but at least you will know?  Don't you think that it's better to know NOW what he thinks than to keep on guessing and lying awake at night not knowing?

Adriaan

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Adriaan

I really think your right. i want to tell him so badly. I really think i love him or is that way to silly. but what would happen after that, like its hard to go or for a date, should we wait, but im thinking way to forward arnt i i still dont know if he likes me. when you said he would be scared what would hid reaction then be.

Thanks alot, Please wright back ASAP

Max

ANSWER: Hi Max

You're running too fast again here :)  Remember step by step!  First you need to find our IF he is into guys! Then only can you think about all the rest of the stuff.  There are no real signs if he is scared, he will probably deny that he is into guys, or he will just go quiet, or close up completely, like change the subject or go all shy.  Like I said, I would first try a friendship (a real one) before I would do all these steps.  It's easier to get to know someone this way.

Adriaan

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Adriaan

I will ask him i think i can, but its easier said then done. i just suddenly fell i can do it then i get an image of him lauging at me or worse, i know him well enough that he would never, tease me or anything like, but still its a naging felling in the back of my head. is true, do you think these funny fellings im having are a result of "love".

Thanks So much

From max

Answer
Hey Max

The funny feelings may be 'love' as you say, but what I always say too, is love must go both ways, otherwise it won't work.  Then it's just affection, or worse, obsession!  If you think he won't laugh, then you have nothing to worry about.  If you have doubt, then you might not know him as well as you think?  One thing is sure though, if you keep this inside you for so long, it's going to eat you up, and I would hate to see such an awesome guy be sad or down.

Tell him.  What is the worst that can happen?

Adriaan