Expert: Adriaan Pretorius - 7/5/2009

Question
QUESTION: Dear Adriaan

Its me max(remember?) just another question about becoming this guys friend and only thinkig about him as a friend not a boyfriend, i just dont now how to go about it, none of my friends are friends with him, and it would be sort of wired if i suddenly asked him to the movie, is there any other way, i just keep imagining myself telling him, could i just tell him straight out, i now he wouldnt make fun of me, hes way to nice. thank so much for your help

From Max

ANSWER: Hey again Max!

If you would rather come clean with him, then do it.  I didn't tell you do it, I wanted you to decide it for yourself.  I am always for the straightforward approach, hehe!  If you think he can handle it, then do it!  Many guys in my life have come up to me and asked if I was gay and I've never lied to them to gotten mad.  I like the idea of someone taking the risk to ask me.  Maybe he will too?

As long as you know you are ready for the response, whichever one it may be.  If he isn't gay or doesn't like you in that way, then you must respect his decision and if things do get weird between you to after you asked, then you must be able to handle it.  I think you can, you seem like a strong, caring kind person, Maxxie

Good luck, tell me what you decided ok?

Adriaan

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Adriann

Im think Im ready to tell him, but Im not sure how to go about it? The feeling that i have for this guy are getting stronger, like when ever i think about him touching me in Loving way or affectinate way, my stomach feels really wierd, and suddenly i fell said, could you explain these feelings. and for some reson i strarted crying when i was watching a movie, one chararcter was gay and had a boyfriend, then some other charartcer was saying, how its not normale or something like that, and i just slowly cryed, I havent cryed in a very long time.

Thanks again for all your help adriaan

Max

ANSWER: Max...

I think you are falling for your friend.  Yes, I talking about love.  It's the best feeling you can ever have, and also the worst pain sometimes.  Your emotions are finally coming up from where you were hiding them and that is a great thing!

All I can say now is that you need to slow down, don't stop, just turn on the emotional breaks.  You don't have to worry that you will stop feeling these feelings, so you can slow down with confidence :)  Tell you friend that you like him as more than just a friend.  See how he would respond.  The BIGGEST thing to remeber here, Max, and you HAVE to learn this is, that you need to be  ready WHATEVER he says or decides.  If he says he doesn't feel the same then you need to honour that.  You cannot then get amgry at him for not liking you back in that way, that will destroy the friendship.  You see how important this is?

Adriaan

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear adriaan

I know i should stop e-mailing you but this talking about it helps because no one nows that im bi, and im not sure how to tell them. but this guy, i observer other guys they stare but not the way he does, and the way he complements, but im afraid if thats just curosity. im not sure if he can give me an answear or if he just dosent accept it

Max

Answer
Hey Maxxie

Remember, you don't have to stop writing and talking to me, that's why I am here, ok?

Yes, it's a risk if you tell your friend how you feel.  And yes, there's a risk that he might not feel the same.  That is how liking someone works, unfortuntely.  If it was EASY, then it wouldn't be so much worth!  Bigger risks always give bigger rewards.  If he doesn't tell you back, or if he can't tell you back because he is scared, you need to show him he doesn't have to be scared.  This is where the tricky part comes in.  If you yourself are not confident enough to be youtself (being bi) and if you can't accept yourself, then how can you expect him to?  I know this is difficult, Max, you need to take things one step at a time here.  First accept yourself.  I don't mean go onto a rooftop and yell at the world you're bi!  Straight guys don't have to, neither should you, I mean, you need to feel confident inside yourself that you like who you are.  If you like yourself, chances are so will he :)