AboutAdriaan Pretorius Expertise Any questions on how to come out, handling people close to you, handling the pressures of being gay in society, going out, seeking a partner, etc. are welcome. I live in South Africa and may have a unique perspective on gay live, as gays do not live openly and have been scorned for a long time here. If you need to speak to someone, and no one wants to listen, I will try my best to be a friend when you have none.
Experience I am a gay male who have lived the life as someone that had to hide it from everyone for a long time until coming out some years back. I know how it feels to be 'in' and 'out' and have had diverse experiences in relationships. I have had friends who hated gay life, gay bashers, friends who understood me.
Education/Credentials I have a postgraduate degree in Science. I have worked together with and currently work with homosexual and heterosexuals in my environment.
Its me max(remember?) just another question about becoming this guys friend and only thinkig about him as a friend not a boyfriend, i just dont now how to go about it, none of my friends are friends with him, and it would be sort of wired if i suddenly asked him to the movie, is there any other way, i just keep imagining myself telling him, could i just tell him straight out, i now he wouldnt make fun of me, hes way to nice. thank so much for your help
From Max
ANSWER: Hey again Max!
If you would rather come clean with him, then do it. I didn't tell you do it, I wanted you to decide it for yourself. I am always for the straightforward approach, hehe! If you think he can handle it, then do it! Many guys in my life have come up to me and asked if I was gay and I've never lied to them to gotten mad. I like the idea of someone taking the risk to ask me. Maybe he will too?
As long as you know you are ready for the response, whichever one it may be. If he isn't gay or doesn't like you in that way, then you must respect his decision and if things do get weird between you to after you asked, then you must be able to handle it. I think you can, you seem like a strong, caring kind person, Maxxie
Good luck, tell me what you decided ok?
Adriaan
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Dear Adriann
Im think Im ready to tell him, but Im not sure how to go about it? The feeling that i have for this guy are getting stronger, like when ever i think about him touching me in Loving way or affectinate way, my stomach feels really wierd, and suddenly i fell said, could you explain these feelings. and for some reson i strarted crying when i was watching a movie, one chararcter was gay and had a boyfriend, then some other charartcer was saying, how its not normale or something like that, and i just slowly cryed, I havent cryed in a very long time.
Thanks again for all your help adriaan
Max
Answer Max...
I think you are falling for your friend. Yes, I talking about love. It's the best feeling you can ever have, and also the worst pain sometimes. Your emotions are finally coming up from where you were hiding them and that is a great thing!
All I can say now is that you need to slow down, don't stop, just turn on the emotional breaks. You don't have to worry that you will stop feeling these feelings, so you can slow down with confidence :) Tell you friend that you like him as more than just a friend. See how he would respond. The BIGGEST thing to remeber here, Max, and you HAVE to learn this is, that you need to be ready WHATEVER he says or decides. If he says he doesn't feel the same then you need to honour that. You cannot then get amgry at him for not liking you back in that way, that will destroy the friendship. You see how important this is?
