AboutGary Expertise I can answer questions about coming out as well as dealing with family members who are (and are not) supportive. I can also answer questions about gay marriage.
Experience I have worked closely with Mass Equality to fight for the right for people of all genders and lifestyles to get married.
Education/Credentials BA- English-Sociology-Psychology
I year - New England School of Law
Question Question
i am in love with my best friend. he says he is in love with me. that he wants kids and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and no body else. well i dont know what to do. he says he is gay, but he is sick of all of mens shit. that he is sick of being hurt. we have tried twice already be more then friends, but he ra away each time. first we were together for a week, the second three hours. we tried having sex, but lets just say, a freind of his was kind forcing the issue on us having sex and we just werent into it at that point, we both agree we are not water faucets, you cant turn us on or off at will. and he freaked out and broke up with me cause he couldnt get turned on at that point (that was the relationship that lasted three hours). now he is saying he is sure that he is straight, that god is telling him that he is not gay cause of all the times and ways he has gotten hurt by men and that he got to not be gay, that he loves me more then anything and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and have children with me and no one else. i just dont know what to do, i love him too, i want him too. i am just scared he is going to run away again and i have told him this. so he says he is getting help. a counselor to talk to. now he is saying that he doesnt want to really get together untill he figures himself out. which is fine with me, but i am so scared that its going to take years and when he gets around to actually being with me, i will be taken, and i dont want that. i just dont know what to do anymore.
Answer Britteny,
If he is truly gay an intimate and long-lasting relationship (i.e. marriage) is never going to work. Eventually the feelings he tries to repress will come back to haunt him (and you). That would not be healthy for either of you.
Let him go through counseling and find himself and be his friend. He will need your support and love. But for yourself, you need to move on and find a man that will love you 100% and who will eventually want the same things in life that you want.
He obviously loves you and his relationship with you since you have not hurt him like it sounds like some of the men he has dated have done. But that will not change the fact that you may not be the right person for him on a sexual level.
The two of you can always remain friends and you can love him as a friend but remember that being gay is also not a faucet. You can't turn it on and off.
