Gay Life/Coming Out


Hello Tedd,

I just recently graduated from college and I decided that I finally wanted to come out to my family. Up until this point, the only two people I've told are my mom and my best friend and when I was talking with my mom about how I was going to tell the rest of the family, she offered to "accidentally" tell them for me since she could see that I was extremely nervous about the whole thing.

My question is do you think this is an appropriate way for me to let my family know or do you think I should bite the bullet and tell everyone myself?

Hi Ryan

That's kind of your mom to offer this, but I don't think it's the best approach. If you are ready to tell the rest of the family, you should take ownership of it and do it yourself. Now, how you might go about doing so is another matter. I recommend the very straightforward approach, and by that I do not mean having a big splashy coming out announcement, but rather simply be completely honest and natural about  your conversations with family. This may mean they don't all find out at the same time, or some may hear the news second hand, but it also allows you to not have to think about preparing some big moment. For example, when your aunt asks if you've been dating anyone at college, you respond very naturally that there is a guy you're interested in. Or when someone asks what you did last weekend, if that includes going to a gay bar or some other gay specific event, you just be honest about it. They'll get the message without you ever having to announce "I'M GAY!"

Best of luck,


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Tedd Adams


I can answer questions related to gay life in general, but also specifically questions about gay youth, coming out, dealing with family issues, religion and homosexuality, and workplace issues. I have also visited many of the popular gay travel destinations and can give you advice on what is worth seeing and what is not.

AVISO: También, puedo responder a preguntas en español.


I have been a volunteer facilitator for a state-sponsored gay youth support group, where we dealt with all of the issues mentioned above. I have also been active in the local chapter of PFLAG.

Human Rights Campaign Oklahomans for Equality Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

Tulsa World, Muskogee Phoenix, Tulsa Family News, About Business Magazine, Contributor to the book "I Can't Believe You Asked That!", by Phillip J. Milano

Associates degree, Biblical Studies, Kentucky Christian College
Bachelors of Science, John Brown University, Psychology
Masters in Organizational Management, University of Phoenix (Tulsa OK campus).

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