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Gay Life/Avoiding anal sex


I am a man who is sure of his gay orientation and has decided to start dating,but I want to avoid anal sex. How can I tell the person that I'm attracted to or about to date that I like all gay sex positions ,but I don't want to engage in Anal sex? what are the chances that he is still going to have sex with me or stay in a relationship?

Hi Manuch

You may be surprised how many other gay guys feel exactly the same way, and it won't be nearly as hard as you think to find someone who is perfectly okay with that, and will still want to date you.

You discuss this the same way you negotiate any sexual specifics. When the time feels right in the relationship, you just talk about it. If things are looking like you're going to move into high gear and you haven't yet talked about it, and you don't want to ruin the moment, simply allow yourself to enjoy whatever it is you're willing to engage in, and if your partner makes a move that would indicate he wants anal sex, you can simply decline with a polite "not yet" and proceed with enjoying yourself, until you can talk with him about it later.

Best wishes,


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Tedd Adams


I can answer questions related to gay life in general, but also specifically questions about gay youth, coming out, dealing with family issues, religion and homosexuality, and workplace issues. I have also visited many of the popular gay travel destinations and can give you advice on what is worth seeing and what is not.

AVISO: También, puedo responder a preguntas en español.


I have been a volunteer facilitator for a state-sponsored gay youth support group, where we dealt with all of the issues mentioned above. I have also been active in the local chapter of PFLAG.

Human Rights Campaign Oklahomans for Equality Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

Tulsa World, Muskogee Phoenix, Tulsa Family News, About Business Magazine, Contributor to the book "I Can't Believe You Asked That!", by Phillip J. Milano

Associates degree, Biblical Studies, Kentucky Christian College
Bachelors of Science, John Brown University, Psychology
Masters in Organizational Management, University of Phoenix (Tulsa OK campus).

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