Gay Life/Very confusing situation, need advice on what to do next.
situation. Not sure what to do :(
hi, I'm 19 and openly gay and I've gotten myself in a bit of a predicament so to speak. I'm looking for advice on what people think I should do next as tbh it's got to the point where I'm really not sure. Apologies firstly as this post is really long but if you could offer any advice I'd be so grateful.
Now I've been in love with a straight guy before (who happened to be my best friend at the time) which lasted into well over a year of misery and ended when I told him that he was basically everything to me. That signalled the end of the friendship and I vowed never fall for a straight guy ever again. That was 3 years ago and for the first time since then I really really like someone. However I fear I've fallen into the straight friend trap again and I'm seriously unsure how to get out of this.
It goes back to may, so quite a few months ago now, when I discover I guy who went to my school added me on a social networking site (sad when I read it like this) he's a year younger then me so I never spoke to him but I remember he got on my bus and I've always found him to be really cute. Like really cute. That level of cute where you wonder how the hell anyone could possibly be that hot. I remember I was quite infactuated with him in school, but this is going back quite a few years now and this was way before I fell in love as I previously mentioned, and before I was out and comfortable with myself. Anyway back to may, so he added me and of course I had to except as he was still real hot, although with past experience I'd learnt to put up a safety net and assume every hot guy is completely straight and unavailable. Still I was curious and looked on his profile to find that he hadn't filled out the "interested in" section. Odd I thought, everything else had been filled in why not that? I didn't think anything of though and I just forgot about it. Then I noticed some pictures of him making out with these guys. Friends of his who say they are straight, they have girlfriends and are very open with their sexually. Still I found this silghty odd. Maybe these guys are just mega comfortable with their sexually, or something. Still I guess I didn't think much of it. But then we started talking.
You see I find out that we have a rediculous amount in common. Same music, humor, movies, food, books. Everything. Que infactuation.
Seems silly I know, I'd never spoke to him, but I'd found Myself completely smitten. Over the next 2 months he became all I could think of and I desperately tried to find any thing I could to discover if he was gay or bi. I noticed he had liked several gay related posts, mostly political, and he seemed very comfortable around his guy friends but not any girls. He's never gone on about girls like other guys do, and although he'd had a girlfriend they weren't together that long and he didn't seem all that interested - no lovey lovey kind of posts with hundreds of kisses to her or anything, in fact none at all. Meanwhile I was talking to him online and he would be sending me messages with multiple kisses on. I know it's looking into maybe a bit too much, but as I didn't actually know him I tried to find anything to justify my infactuation.
Now we go 6 months down the line, my feelings for him are out of control and after several falled attempts trying to meet him I feel like giving up with everything. I've turned him into the only person I could ever be with and I desperately try and clutch onto anything I could of him. He stops replying to my messages but instead of stopping I keep sending them to him. Awkward I know. I reach a point where I feel like I just can't take anymore and get my friend to message him to ask him If he's gay. They start talking and at first he jokes around with it, not giving any clues to his sexually. But my friend persists and begins to really annoy him. He ends the message with "it's a secret and I don't know you well enough".
Thats it! I thought he is totally into guys!
But the next day I notice all of the pictures of him making out with guys are removed. And I start noticing him using words like "thats so gay, that's a right fag". which leads me so confused. Is this a defense mechanism or is he straight all along?
Anyway 2 months later and through a crazy scheme I desperately conjoured up I finally convince him to meet. Yes I thought. After all this time I get to finally met him. The guy I've pretty much based my life around in the last 7 months... Well it goes really well, we talk for hours, hang out, listen to music and get to know each other. I was happy, it was great being with him and I realize that he is everything i thought he was and more. We meet up a second time and it doesn't go so well. He leaves after an hour and throughout the whole time he tells me how he went to a party and got with some girl the other night. I was angry and crushed and decided in that moment to just randomly come out to him. Not ideal I know, but after all this time I couldn't handle the possiblity of it just ending like that. "oh, okay" was his response, followed by an awkward silence. It stays like the for awhile as I drag the conversation back onto music. The awkwardness clears and we smile as we say goodbye. I walk home crushed. I stupidly decide it's a good idea to get completely drunk and go out to a field far away from anywhere and bawl my eyes out. Then in a drunken state I decided to text him and tell him everything. No reply. Bare in mind this is like the second time I'd met him.
The next day I text him and tell him that I meant to send that text to someone else and apologize for it. It's completely unconvincing and it's painfully obvious that it was a lie. Oh course no reply. That's it I thought, this is it. Time to get over him. I delete him from my social networking site and make a bid to get over him and get on with my life.
A whole month goes past without talking to him and I cave in. I re-add him as a friend and send him a message asking if he wants to go to an upcoming gig of one of our favorite bands. I didn't expect a reply, but to my shock I got one. "yeah I'm up for That" he says, as casual as that, as he accepts my friend request. Did he really believe that I meant to send that text to someone else I thought? or maybe he felt guilty and was just being nice. I have no idea.
Anyway que to where I stand now. Last Thursday and the gig. I meet him and smiles and introduces me to two of his friends he brought "this is the guy I was telling you about" they smile and give me a hug. WHAT?! I've only just met them. what did he say about me? I was confused. Anyway me and him spend the whole night talking and I notice he becomes very touchy, like constantly brushing up against me and putting his arm around me. At one point I sit down and put my arms out to him and comes and sits on my lap. I couldn't believe what was happening, after all this time I longed for this moment. It didn't last for long, he got up and went to the other side of the room but I was happy. Then it came for us to leave and he gave me the biggest hug ever. He literally jumped at me and squeezed me so tight. Best night of my life. I was so happy. After all this time was this actually gonna happen!
The next day I text him asking what he was up to. No reply. I text him again the next day, still no reply. 4 days later and he hasn't replied and he hasnt been online or replied to any of my messages or bids of making any kind of contact.
What am I supposed to do now? I feel like giving up cus I'm so tired of feeling like this just as I think I get somewhere. Do you think he is gay/ bi, do you think he likes me? Why would he become so touchy suddenly now he knows I'm gay. What do I do now and how to I solve this. I feel stuck.
I'm really sorry for the crazy long question and back story. I think I needed to get this off my chest as it's gone on so long and I don't really have anyone to talk to. If you read all this thankyou so much and I would love to hear any advice you could possibly give me on my situation.
Thanks- Alex xx
Don't worry about the back story, I like it when there is one. At least then I can get an idea of what is going on and actually give you help :)
This guy sounds like a prick (sorry, but he does).
He makes you jump through all these hoops of liking you and being lovely and then stops communication and then when you confess your feelings he eventually comes around and then becomes more touchy feely and then nothing again.
I think he is gay, and he is just confused and trying to figure out what he wants and sadly you are the one being dragged along.
There are two things you can do now.
You can keep going as you are, text and talk to him when he decides to finally message back, or you can do the hard part and move on. It is going to be hard, but I think it could be for the best. I spent too much time in my teens pining over this guy and in the end it fizzled because he never talked to me...
Now I am not saying never talk to him, but if he talks to you and does the same touchy feely things again, ask him, ask him what is going on.
Are you just friends? Is this going to lead to something more? Is this actually going to go anywhere at all?
I know it's tough but I think that if you want to be happy you may need to try to forget about him for a while, and focus on something else.
If you think maybe there could be something then I say go for it, in the end it is what will make you happy that counts. :)
If he doesn't text you back, then I say do things to take your mind off him. See friends, family and go out and meet other people. If he likes you and wants to be your friend he will make contact.
I really hope this helps as you seem like a lovely and genuine guy,
Keep me posted if you like, I am here to help in anyway possible :)
All the best