Gay Life/Confused


Hi Ben , my name is john and im 28 . i would like to ask you about some of the strange feeling i start having for quite a while. i am a straight guy who have a girlfriend but i have a strong feeling on having sex with a guy and i always fantasize a hot guy fucking me hard . i watch gay porn most of the time and i get aroused when i see a hot men naked especially with big dick then i start urging to get it in my mouth and get fucked by him . i even tried sucking a dick couple of times , i didnt like it at first but after a couple of days the feeling started to hit my mind and wanted to do it again. masturbating while watching gay porn , bending over and get fucked in the butt is all i am thinking of. now , im from a society in which homosexuality is a taboo and it resulted discrimination from family and frineds . i even prefer to have sex with a guy than with my gf who doesn't know about this at all.

i dont know where to stand on my sexuality prefernce cause i am attracted to both sex but all i think of is to take it in the ass .  now let me make the question clear :

1. i never had sex with a guy , but i am preparing my butt hole to reduce the pain which might happen . i used my 4 fingers to stimulate and some cucumber . does this makes it stretched enough to take a penis ?

2. Is this feeling normal ? what shall i do with my girlfriend ?



Hi John.

Firstly, you don't need to stretch yourself in advance in order to take a penis. It doesn't work like that. It shouldn't hurt anyway as long as you use plenty of lubricant and take it slowly. The more relaxed you are at the time, the easier it is. The anal sphincter is just a muscle and muscles tighten up when we're tense, so the more tense and nervous you are, the more likely it is to be painful. You don't need to "stretch" yourself days in advance - it won't make any difference. Although the anus is stretched during anal sex, it returns to normal afterwards so trying to stretch yourself in advance is pointless.

It is a good idea, however to try using a dildo or something similar to get an idea of the feeling. I think a cucumber is probably a bit too large to start with - most men don't have penises the size of cucumbers generally - so you might try something more lifelike.

The most important three things really are to relax, use plenty of lube (too much is better than too little) and take it slowly. Also make sure you don't need to go to the toilet beforehand and make sure you are clean. You can use a douche but you don't need to. If you do decide to use a douche, do it about a couple of hours before you have sex. Some tips are here:

These feelings are normal for some people - people who are attracted to men. People who are not attracted to men probably wouldn't have these feelings. There is nothing wrong or abnormal with your feelings, but I personally wouldn't say you were "straight". A "straight" man by definition is a man who finds women and only women sexually attractive. I'd say it's more likely you are bisexual at least. The reson I say this is because you seem to find not only men themselves attractive, but also the idea of men having sex with other men.

In regards to your girlfriend, I think you should tell her and/or break up with her before you start sleeping with other men. It's unfair to her if you are sleeping with other people secretly behind her back and potentially humiliating for her when she eventually finds out.  

Make sure you use condoms to protect yourself (and also your girlfriend if you do decide to sleep with other people while sleeping with her).

Hope this helps,

Gay Life

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Questions relating to coming out to friends and family, social issues, issues in the workplace, relationship issues, issues relating to gay life in general. Issues relating to gay sex, protection and sexually transmitted infections and worries about first time gay sex. I can also answer questions in relation to being gay and religion.


I am a 30 year old gay man and have been out since I was 15 at high school. Although I am not religious, I attended Catholic schools and have experience dealing with pressures religion can place on a gay person. I have a wide variety of friends from all different backgrounds, races, sexualities, religions, etc. I have also had several relationships, am sexually experienced and have an understanding of relationship issues and dilemmas, sexual issues and experience of the gay scene. Although I have plenty of experience of the gay scene, I am not personally interested/involved in it anymore. Most of my current friends are actually straight males and I'm not particularly involved in any scene at all. Therefore, I can quite easily talk to guys about issues they would rather not associate with "gay" - confusion, bi-curious issues and just normal uncertainties men might have. I have no promblem discussing issues with anyone regardless of sexuality or gender, etc. (within reason of course).

Occupation - NHS Scotland (National Health Service Scotland) - part-time. Part-time study.

Currently studying BA Honours in English Language & Literature and have previously studied Psychology at university level. Four A's at Higher level Psychology, Sociology, Philosophy and English.

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