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Gay Life/Relationship Melting - Help


This is a really awkward situation but really need help. I am a married guy who went through the traditional route toplease the family. I have a wife who adores me and 3 girls who are nothing short of angels.

I was on / off the scene with guys keeping it very casual, but then I met a guy who stole my heart. We have been in a relationship for nearly 7 years and now he is rethinking everything. He knew everything about my situation before we got too deep and accepted me, but now it's all changed.

I go near him, he shys away - it's like he's a corpse.

He says he loves me, but that there is something wrong with him, not me.

If it wasn't for my 3 daughters I could've done anything for him and even here he insists they take priority. That I have an obligation to them, if No one else.

I don't know but I cannot imagine being without him...

Hi Imran,

It sounds to me from what little I know about you or him that maybe after all these years he has decided he does want more out of the relationship. He obviously loved you to take a back seat to your wife and kids for all these years but maybe now he wants to be number one in someone's life.

You should talk to him openly and honestly and ask him why he is pulling away from you. He clearly wants you to focus on your daughters because he knows thats important but maybe he also feels he would like to be the main priority in somebody's life and maybe after all these years he realizes he will never really be able to have that with you. At least not until your girls are adults. You also still have a wife. This can't be an easy relationship for him as he is probably feeling he is always just on the sidelines looking in on your life.

In my opinion its not really fair to ask him to continue to let you have "two relationships and lives" while he only has half of one with you.

If you had to trade places with him how would you feel? I know I would not want to be in his situation and he clearly loves you very much to stay in it. But maybe now seven years was enough for him. He may want to find someone that can give themselves to him completely on every level.

I'm not sure in this situation if he is really the one that has the problem. I think maybe you need to think about how much you are able to offer him in the relationship and if it is fair to expect him to continue to be in a relationship with a married man (regardless if it is a woman).

I wish you (and him) the best!

Gay Life

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I can answer questions about coming out as well as dealing with the death of a partner or spouse. I am very compassionate and caring and will often rely on my own life experiences of coming out and loss of a loved one to help others. Losing someone you love is never easy and being in a gay relationship can often add to that feeling of isolation and loneliness.


I have worked closely with Mass Equality to fight for the right for people of all genders and lifestyles to get married. I have also participated in many LGBT Grief Support Groups.

Gay Men's Bereavement Group

BA- English-Sociology-Psychology I year - New England School of Law

Awards and Honors
National Honor Award for Bereavement and Grief

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