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Gay Life/is he gay/bi/straight or what?


Hi adriaan! It is Sam again, I didn't use the 'follow-up' button because this is a on a completely different subject. :)

About a year ago, Me And a friend jack were in a tent and he started stroking my back. I liked it because I am gay, but, as he never stops going on about girls I assumed he is straight! I starter strokong him back, and soon we had worker our way down each others chests, and were jerking each Other off. Afterwards he was crying because of what he had just done, and after he had calmed down, he asked me if I was gay. I said yes, and he said he is really confused about his sexuality. Recently we have done it again, but he says he doesn't know if he is gay/straight/bi.

Before all this happened I would have assumed that anybody that jerks another lad off is definetly homosexual. Now i am not sure?

Is what Jake has done natural if he is straight, or does this make him definetly gay/bi?


Hello again Sam

You can tell you friend that what you guys did is perfectly normal, and he can relax.  Young boys and teenagers tend to explore their bodies and sometimes this means exploring eachother's body too.  It's our natural human curiosity.  When we hit puberty, this is compounded by all those raging hormones, and then, to put it bluntly, we guys just get horny.  Usually, we handle this by helping ourselves when we're alone, but sometimes guys find that it's fun to do it together.  Sometimes guys would just physically sit together and do it, but it can lead to guys helping eachother in the end.

I just want to add though, that since you are gay, these games could become more serious as you explore more, and you might find yourself liking your friends that you do this with, and maybe even getting a crush, while your friend might not be gay at all.  Just be careful that you don't find yourself falling for a guy that you think you're just having clean fun with, and then end up getting hurt in the process emotionally.  Jerking off is a good way to get rid of tension ;-)

As for your friend, he might be confused by his sexuality, but most guys in their puberty get some confusing thoughts.  It can be attributed to the hormones and changes again, so you should tell you friend to just follow his heart for now.  If he feels he is gay this week and straight next week, then he should just ride it out.  He is allowed to change his mind later on :-)


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Adriaan Pretorius


Any questions on how to come out, handling people close to you, handling the pressures of being gay in society, going out, seeking a partner, etc. are welcome. I live in South Africa and may have a unique perspective on gay live, as gays do not live openly and have been scorned for a long time here. If you need to speak to someone, and no one wants to listen, I will try my best to be a friend when you have none.


I am a gay male who have lived the life as someone that had to hide it from everyone for a long time until coming out some years back. I know how it feels to be 'in' and 'out' and have had diverse experiences in relationships. I have had friends who hated gay life, gay bashers, friends who understood me.

I have a postgraduate degree in Science. I have worked together with and currently work with homosexual and heterosexuals in my environment.

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