You are here:

Gay Life/hopeless situation


Hello Gary, hope you are doing good. I need your advice for below mentioned problem.
The thing is, In a 1.5 yrs of relationship I broke up with him since he cheated on me more than once. Even after break up we went on and off for about another 5 months. In these five months I went back to him 3 times since he kept on trying to get me back. I had a nervous breakdown when I realized that no matter what the trust can't be restored. Whenever I broke up, he started sleeping around (I also slept around) and at the same time he kept on trying to get me back whilst I just wanted to get over and move on in life. I broke up once and for all. I cut all the connection between us but he did not stop sending sms saying how miserable his life has become since I left him.

It's been 9 months (including the on off period). I have been trying but I am still not over him yet. On new years eve, he said that "I need to meet you and finish this thing once and for all so that I can also move on in my life". He needed my help to move on in life and wanted to meet me for a face to face conversation one last time. When I met him he started crying and apologized for his cheating and asked for a last chance to make things better. He lost so much weight and was looking miserable. He promised me that he would do everything to make me happy and will not cheat ever in life. He said "trust me one last time and I won't let you down". Finally I said I needed time since I was not thinking about getting back together.

Now, just a week back I came to know that he was hospitalized since he was diagnosed with Jaundice (hepatitis B). It was sexually transmitted (he told me) though he used protection. I was a little paranoid after listening all this. Nobody was with him to take care of him. I couldn't devote myself 24x7 to him since I have to work and most of all he is no longer my BF. However, I went to see him twice and spent 4-5hrs with him. He said "I have learnt my lesson and had I been with you only I wouldn't have to go through all this".
Every time it seems there is too much to think to get back together. I am at this juncture where I don't understand what do to and what to think. Will you please advice me and give all the perspective regarding this issue so that I can think rationally and reach to a decision.

Thanking you in anticipation

Dear P,

People can change but it's up to you if you want to believe he will and trust he will. You do have the option to give him "one more chance".
If you truly love him then giving him that chance may be worth it but you have to prepare yourself for disappointment if he cheats on you again.
The way I personally feel about people that cheat is if they cheat once they will cheat again. If you love someone completely you would not want to hurt them by cheating on them so to do so only proves you do not love them 100%. You have to ask yourself if you want to take that chance with him and if he does cheat again then you will know he has not really changed.
Any solid relationship is based on mutual love, respect, honesty and trust. He has proven in the past by his actions that he can not stand by those principles so do you really want to be with someone like that?
Sometimes people that love other people like you do become a sort of "victim" of that love. The person they love takes advantage of them because they know the hold that love has over them. An example of this is when he is sick you are there for him because he knows you love him and will be but you have to be happy too. You have to have someone that loves you completely that you can trust and it does not sound like you can trust him.
The choice is yours to give him "one more chance" but maybe you need to think about moving on to someone else that is going to love you and care about you as much as you love him because you deserve that. Once you find someone that truly loves you it will open your eyes to the things he has done to you and make you realize love should not be keeping you in a state of confusion and doubt. It should make you feel loved and happy.
I wish you much happiness and please keep me posted.

Gay Life

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




I can answer questions about coming out as well as dealing with the death of a partner or spouse. I am very compassionate and caring and will often rely on my own life experiences of coming out and loss of a loved one to help others. Losing someone you love is never easy and being in a gay relationship can often add to that feeling of isolation and loneliness.


I have worked closely with Mass Equality to fight for the right for people of all genders and lifestyles to get married. I have also participated in many LGBT Grief Support Groups.

Gay Men's Bereavement Group

BA- English-Sociology-Psychology I year - New England School of Law

Awards and Honors
National Honor Award for Bereavement and Grief

©2017 All rights reserved.