Gay Life/Question


QUESTION: Hola, tengo una pregunta en torno a como conseguir mi pareja. Soy un hombre gay de 29 años y veo que muchas personas a mi edad y aún menores tienen relaciones ya estables y yo aún no, he intentado crear perfiles en internet para ver si consigo alguien pero todas las personas que he conocido básicamente buscan sexo, yo trato incluso en el sexo de ser lo mejor posible y muy cariñoso para que la persona de pronto pueda interesarse en mi pero tampoco pasa, no se sí alguien de pronto sepa alguna página en internet donde. Yo pueda subir mi perfil y las personas busques SÓLO NOVIAZGOS y no sexo. La verdad yo quisiera ser feliz al lado d un hombre, considero que soy una persona noble y de buenos sentimientos y tengo todas las capacidades para hacer feliz a alguien. Pero Como hago para conseguir a esa persona? Ahí esta el problema,

ANSWER: Hola Rafael

Tu problema es muy común. Afortunadamente, yo también tengo un consejo muy bueno para ti. No es fácil para todo a seguir, pero si lo haces, te prometo que voy a tener más suerte que has tenido la búsqueda en Internet.

Olvídese de tratar de conocer gente en línea. Sólo se seguirá para cumplir con los mismos tipos de personas que has conocido ya. En su lugar, encontrar todos los medios posibles para hacer amigos, y todos los que puedas. Y con esto no me refiero a las personas que estás interesadas en el noviazgo. Eso viene después. Para empezar, simplemente involucrarse en cualquier tipo de grupo, evento o actividad que le interesa, y comenzar a hablar con la gente. Esto podría ser un grupo de cata de vinos, un club de lectura, un equipo deportivo. Lo que sea. El punto es simplemente para conocer a mucha gente.

Una vez hecho esto, aceptar todas las invitaciones para socializar con tus nuevos amigos. A partir de esto, conocer gente nueva, y se convierten en amigos con ellos. Con el tiempo, se encontrará con suficientes personas que puedan satisfacer a alguien le interesa, y él estará interesado en ti. Y esta es la forma de encontrar mejores personas de calidad.

Por último, disfrute de citas! No sienten la necesidad de formar una relación con todos los que ir a una cita con. Simplemente disfrutar de conocer gente nueva. Finalmente conocerá a alguien que quieres ser más seria.

Mis mejores deseos,


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Tedd, thanks so much for your quick reply, although I have to say that I have tried to have a very busy social life, and I am involved in many activities as well, but most of the people I have met is straight people, I do not mind to hang out with straight guys and women but my point is I think something is happening with me since I do not have a serious relationship with a gay guy, I have realized that and I have tried of course to find some posibles solutions to the issue, I try to be very sociable, easy going, interesting, I try to be well dressed, so I dont know if other guys do not notice that or finally I do ot know if I am not attractive at all, that could be also another option, I recently moved to shanghai-china and I have some new profiles where show me very polite serious and clear but still nothing happens.

Anyway although I know is not your problem I really appreciate just the fact you are reading my thoughts, at least I feel somebody is listening to me and can understand how I feel (actually I feel really sad and not comfortable), many people just can say enjoy other things like your jobs, to study a new thing, go shoping find new friends or go to the gym, and I really do all those things but still that does not make me feel really complete, I suppose you know perfectly that we also need other kind of relationship with others (like a boyfriends), it is a kind of unique relationship which is really important, maybe you have your boyfriend and know what I mean.

I do not WHAT TO DO!! and that is the worst!!

once again thanks so much!! :-) you are really a good person, I know nobody can solve this types of problems, but at least you are a person that cares the other´s feeling and we can tell you things that maybe we do not tell to our friends just to not sound ridiculous or drama queens!!

Warm hugs,


So I'm guessing my Spanish is not so great, since you're responding in English. Sorry, you're right, it's not my first language, but I'm always trying to practice.

Anyway, to your issue. I seriously doubt the problem is that you're not attractive. I've never seen you, of course, but it sounds like you're someone who cares about his appearance, and just making that effort will usually catch someone's attention. So let's assume that's not it. My guess is that a big part of the barrier is cultural, given that you are a Hispanic man living in China. That's a lot of cultural barriers to overcome. I think as you live there longer, you will get a better understanding of the culture. I would advise continuing to strengthen your social relationships, gay and straight, without the expectation of a boyfriend relationship. Just work on making connections for now. As you get to know more and more people, you will be likely to meet someone who is interested in you. That may well come through a mutual straight friend, so don't discount straight people. And one other thing ... make sure your friends KNOW you're looking for a boyfriend. Sometimes others may not give it a thought or may presume you are happy being single. Make sure they know that is not the case. I think with some patience and some effort, you will eventually find what you're looking for.

Best wishes,


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Tedd Adams


I can answer questions related to gay life in general, but also specifically questions about gay youth, coming out, dealing with family issues, religion and homosexuality, and workplace issues. I have also visited many of the popular gay travel destinations and can give you advice on what is worth seeing and what is not.

AVISO: También, puedo responder a preguntas en español.


I have been a volunteer facilitator for a state-sponsored gay youth support group, where we dealt with all of the issues mentioned above. I have also been active in the local chapter of PFLAG.

Human Rights Campaign Oklahomans for Equality Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

Tulsa World, Muskogee Phoenix, Tulsa Family News, About Business Magazine, Contributor to the book "I Can't Believe You Asked That!", by Phillip J. Milano

Associates degree, Biblical Studies, Kentucky Christian College
Bachelors of Science, John Brown University, Psychology
Masters in Organizational Management, University of Phoenix (Tulsa OK campus).

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