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Gay Life/does he sound gay?


: I was on an elevator with 2 other guys.1 of the guys was close up to the doors and when he got off, the guy left with me reached in his pocket and started rumaging around 'down there' with rapid up and down hand movement..
I tried not to notice but out of the corner of my eye I could see that all the while he was doing that, he was watching me the whole time.
I know he saw me because (in my opinion) if I saw him then he could see me.
Part of me tends to believe that he was gay because he didn't stop when he saw me  or said "this isn't what it looks like' or waited the 30- seconds until the elevator stopped on his floor.
I talked to someone at work about it and she said that the reason he didn't say anything was that he probably was embarrassed.
The same guy would look up (nobody else) whenever I would say HI to a woman almost everytime I would deliver mail up the aisle that he works in.
I emailed him afterwards about what happened in the elevator and his response was, "My deepest apologies for allegedly staring at you"...My thought is why he would apologise for something he claimed never happened, and when I asked him if he was mad about me assuming that he was something he wasn't, his response was, "Not really"

Hello there Jeff

There are of course many different reasons for what happened here.  Your friend stated he was embarrassed, probably, but someone that gets embarrassed that easily wouldn't be doing 'that' in public.  Gay guys as rule don't THAT in public anyway!

Another was that maybe he likes you, but since you reacted the way you did by emailing, he has now retracted his feelings, as you are obviously straight (I am assuming, as you didn't mention that).

Of course all of this is quite pointless, if you are straight, as it is actually more creepy than a sign that he is gay or not.  You should be offended that a someone would intrude on your sexuality more than confused by why he is gay.  What if this was a girl that started playing with her breasts while looking at you?  How would you react?  You might be aroused, if you're a playboy, or you might be offended if you are more conservative.  So it's all about your personality really.  If you were a gay guy, and a playboy, you might have stepped over and helped him, but if you were a conservative gay guy, you might be offended as well.

So, in the end the question is really why this is troubling you so?  If you feel offended, you had the right to confront him, if you felt it was just weird, then maybe you should let it go, but it's not a definitive way of gauging if he is gay, even if his answer was 'not really', since he seems nonchalant about this whole thing, so maybe he just doesn't care what others think of him.

...but as a rule us gay guys don't go masturbating in public places while looking at other guys ;-)


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Adriaan Pretorius


Any questions on how to come out, handling people close to you, handling the pressures of being gay in society, going out, seeking a partner, etc. are welcome. I live in South Africa and may have a unique perspective on gay live, as gays do not live openly and have been scorned for a long time here. If you need to speak to someone, and no one wants to listen, I will try my best to be a friend when you have none.


I am a gay male who have lived the life as someone that had to hide it from everyone for a long time until coming out some years back. I know how it feels to be 'in' and 'out' and have had diverse experiences in relationships. I have had friends who hated gay life, gay bashers, friends who understood me.

I have a postgraduate degree in Science. I have worked together with and currently work with homosexual and heterosexuals in my environment.

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