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First off, what would qualify as a "gay" tourist destination? lol. And to my main question. Is it considered wrong to make assumptions on whether or not someone is gay? Not that it would necessarily change ones relationship to said person, but to me anyway it seems kind of obvious most of the time when someone is certainly gay or certainly not gay. And of course some gay men will claim to have "gay-dar." lol. I think people have assumed Richard Simons to be gay for decades even though he has made a point to never even to this day mention what his sexuality is. Is it wrong to assume that someone might be gay? Maybe for the sake of sensitivity it might be good to know if a friend might be gay in the case of making dirty jokes about women that would be unrelatable to him? And lastly, why does it seem that many gay men have a kind of lisp when they speak? I knew someone in middle school who at the time hadn't come out who spoke commonly, but after he came out appeared to have developed a kind of lisp. From that I would want to assume it isn't a genetic thing, but maybe a gay cultural thing?

Answer
Hi James

Many people who think that they can tell who is gay and who is not are making a broad assumption that they can tell based on who ACTS gay. What they don't realize is that there are many more men out there who are gay, but whom they would never suspect. Not everyone who is gay acts gay. I would even say those who act "gay" are in the minority, based on my circle of friends. There are certainly some that are obvious. But not everyone who is gay is obvious.

It is safest to always assume that SOMEONE within earshot may be gay, and therefore to speak respectfully at all times.

As for why some gay men have a lisp... I have no idea. It does seem to be true, but I can't explain that one.

As to your secondary question, there are a LOT of gay tourist destinations. Basically, any place that either has a high concentration of gay people (San Francisco, Provincetown, Ibiza) or that are exceedingly gay friendly (New England, the Scandinavian countries, Puerto Vallarta). In contrast, there are others that are definitely NOT gay friendly, such as Jamaica, Egypt or India.

Hope that helps.  

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Tedd Adams

Expertise

I can answer questions related to gay life in general, but also specifically questions about gay youth, coming out, dealing with family issues, religion and homosexuality, and workplace issues. I have also visited many of the popular gay travel destinations and can give you advice on what is worth seeing and what is not.

AVISO: También, puedo responder a preguntas en español.

Experience

I have been a volunteer facilitator for a state-sponsored gay youth support group, where we dealt with all of the issues mentioned above. I have also been active in the local chapter of PFLAG.

Organizations
Human Rights Campaign Oklahomans for Equality Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

Publications
Tulsa World, Muskogee Phoenix, Tulsa Family News, About Business Magazine, Contributor to the book "I Can't Believe You Asked That!", by Phillip J. Milano

Education/Credentials
Associates degree, Biblical Studies, Kentucky Christian College
Bachelors of Science, John Brown University, Psychology
Masters in Organizational Management, University of Phoenix (Tulsa OK campus).

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