Gay Life/Married Life


I am married to the love of my life. We have been married for 8 years and together for 12. We are both in our 40's.
The problem is he never wants to have sex anymore. He has some heath issues which I know contribute to that but he also refuses to get medical help to address it. This has been going on for a couple of years now and I have tried my best to be open and honest with him. I tell him that he should get help but he is stubborn and refuses. I also tell him how I miss having sex and that once a month at best is frustrating.
I love him with all my heart and aside from this our life together is great but I miss the sex. I have even thought of cheating but I could never do that so I don't know what else I can do?
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you!

Hi Paul

This is obviously a very delicate issue, and it's most likely very uncomfortable for him. He may well want sex just as much as you, but is just unable physically. There is really only one way to approach this and that is through very open, honest communication. It really is that simple. It may be hard for him to talk about, and it may be beyond your control, but that too is something you have to communicate with him. He has to know how it makes you feel when you are feeling helpless and frustrated by his lack of communication, if he doesn't feel like talking about it.

So, some things for both of you to discuss together:
1. Does he still have an interest in sex?
2. Is he still physically attracted to you?
3. Is he interested in getting medical attention?
4. Is he too scare of what he may hear from a doctor, such that he's avoiding medical attention?
5. Are either of you open to sex with other people?
6. Would having sex with other people damage your relationship with each other?
7. Would continuing as things are ultimately damage your relationship even more?

Those are just some initial thoughts. I'm sure you can come up with a much longer list also. But again, it really is just a matter of communicating, but keep in mind, that requires active participation from both of you, and you're only in control of your own actions. If he's not willing to participate, you have to decide what course of action you'll take on your own. Be prepared for that.

Best wishes,


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Tedd Adams


I can answer questions related to gay life in general, but also specifically questions about gay youth, coming out, dealing with family issues, religion and homosexuality, and workplace issues. I have also visited many of the popular gay travel destinations and can give you advice on what is worth seeing and what is not.

AVISO: También, puedo responder a preguntas en español.


I have been a volunteer facilitator for a state-sponsored gay youth support group, where we dealt with all of the issues mentioned above. I have also been active in the local chapter of PFLAG.

Human Rights Campaign Oklahomans for Equality Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

Tulsa World, Muskogee Phoenix, Tulsa Family News, About Business Magazine, Contributor to the book "I Can't Believe You Asked That!", by Phillip J. Milano

Associates degree, Biblical Studies, Kentucky Christian College
Bachelors of Science, John Brown University, Psychology
Masters in Organizational Management, University of Phoenix (Tulsa OK campus).

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