Gay Life/urges


So I have been in a relationship with this guy from 6months. We an monogamous and I love him dearly. I would never do anything to hurt him, he is awesome to me and I could not as for a better man. However everyonce in a while I get these urges to sleep with another guy outside of him or cheat on him. It like a strong urge, however I do not act on it, normally I masturbate and that settles it down for a while. Is this normal and how do I deal with it or stop these urges because I do not intend on cheating on him ever, I just want the urges to stop.


Hi OBrian

Yes, these are completely normal urges, especially for men, and especially for young men (you didn't specify how old you are, so I'm not sure if that applies or not).

You can't completely get rid of them. That's just our nature. i think you're already doing a lot of what you can to deal with them, but there are probably a few behaviors you should avoid, if you're not already. Obviously, steer clear of any temptation or opportunity to meet other men for casual sex, such as gay dating (or hookup) sites, chat rooms, or bars when you are alone.

I think beyond that, just remind yourself daily of your commitment to monogamy and why  you believe it's important. I think you're doing all the right things and I wish you the best of success in your relationship.


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Tedd Adams


I can answer questions related to gay life in general, but also specifically questions about gay youth, coming out, dealing with family issues, religion and homosexuality, and workplace issues. I have also visited many of the popular gay travel destinations and can give you advice on what is worth seeing and what is not.

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I have been a volunteer facilitator for a state-sponsored gay youth support group, where we dealt with all of the issues mentioned above. I have also been active in the local chapter of PFLAG.

Human Rights Campaign Oklahomans for Equality Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

Tulsa World, Muskogee Phoenix, Tulsa Family News, About Business Magazine, Contributor to the book "I Can't Believe You Asked That!", by Phillip J. Milano

Associates degree, Biblical Studies, Kentucky Christian College
Bachelors of Science, John Brown University, Psychology
Masters in Organizational Management, University of Phoenix (Tulsa OK campus).

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