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Gay Life/coming out to my family


I'm having trouble coming out to my family. I'm 15 from virginia and bisexual. I've came out to my mom about my girlfriend but my other family is very religious and  my grandmother had told me that she would have nothing to do with me if I was lesbian or bisexual. I'm in a tight spot right now. Anything I can do?

Hi Luka

Congratulations on your brave decision to start living an honest life. I think you will find it rewarding, if not a bit stressful at first. But it's worth it.

I've found that those who make such threats only do so when it's a matter of supposition. When it comes time to actually face a family member who is LGBT, the love of family takes precedence over bigotry. I doubt your grandmother will actually not have anything to do with you. Chances are, she's already come to suspect this, and made such a comment in the hopes that you would "choose" to be straight, if you were inclined otherwise. This is obviously a misunderstanding of how sexuality works, but many straight people still hold onto this notion.

My family too is extremely religious, and when I started coming out to them, they did not embrace it, but nor did they condemn me for it. It's more of a don't ask, don't tell kind of situation, except that now I've told them, so it's more of a don't ask, don't talk about it sort of thing. But I'm not willing to play along. When my brothers, sister, nieces and nephews all get asked about who they're dating or how their spouses are doing, I make sure to make comments that are inclusive of my boyfriend. If that's too much for them to deal with, then it's on them to change the situation. I'm not going to remove myself from the benefits of kinship just to make them comfortable.

I would approach it much the same way. You don't have to make a speech or a big announcement. Just be like everyone else and talk about your everyday life as if there's nothing abnormal about it. As soon as you mention "girlfriend", they'll know the score, without you every having to declare "I'm gay!" It seems much easier that way.

Best wishes,


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Tedd Adams


I can answer questions related to gay life in general, but also specifically questions about gay youth, coming out, dealing with family issues, religion and homosexuality, and workplace issues. I have also visited many of the popular gay travel destinations and can give you advice on what is worth seeing and what is not.

AVISO: También, puedo responder a preguntas en español.


I have been a volunteer facilitator for a state-sponsored gay youth support group, where we dealt with all of the issues mentioned above. I have also been active in the local chapter of PFLAG.

Human Rights Campaign Oklahomans for Equality Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

Tulsa World, Muskogee Phoenix, Tulsa Family News, About Business Magazine, Contributor to the book "I Can't Believe You Asked That!", by Phillip J. Milano

Associates degree, Biblical Studies, Kentucky Christian College
Bachelors of Science, John Brown University, Psychology
Masters in Organizational Management, University of Phoenix (Tulsa OK campus).

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