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Gay Life/How to Move Forward


Hi Ben,
I have some questions about how to move ahead with this guy I like.  First, some background on me.  I'm in my early 30s and live on the east coast of the US.  I never had a boyfriend until about 2 years ago when I was set up by my friends.  That was the first real relationship (or even date) I ever had - I did have a date with a girl in high school, but that was just curiosity).  My ex and I only lasted 5 months and while I'd like to blame him 100%, I can't because part of it probably was me.  

So essentially what I'm trying to say is that I'm very far behind developmentally in this area and really need help.  I don't know how to approach a guy, talk to him, read his signs, etc.  Right now, there's a guy at work who's somewhat new.  Last week he came to my office to ask about his paycheck (this is the 2nd time he's done that).  We started talking a bit and I really got interested.  After he left I sent him an email letting him know that anything he needs he can come to me.  I also sent him a connection on LinkedIn, which was accepted about 2 minutes later.  He also started calling me the generic "buddy," which just confuses me.  The problem I'm having is that I don't even know if he's gay and I'm scared to ask.  Also, have I done enough to show my interest or would more be too much?  I have tendencies to go way too far and after seeing how good a relationship can be, I'd like that again, preferably with this guy.  Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Kevin,

I'll see if I can help.

Looks like you have a bit of a man crush, perfectly normal.

This guy seems to like you and thinks of you as a friend, it could be more but it can be difficult to tell as you have noticed. Perhaps if you play it cool, perhaps ask him over for a drink and hang out? See where the conversation goes, ask him if he has a girlfriend he would like to bring along.

At least then you can have a casual conversion with this guy and get some sort of idea on him, be it gay, straight etc.

Get to know him a little, play it cool and be patient, I know it can be a little painful since you have had a relationship before and miss the closeness and the feeling of being loved. But this guy may be nervous and he may not even be gay. So just talk to him, get to know him a bit more, ask about his life and share yours too, mentioning you have had a relationship before with a guy could be a sign for this guy to be more open with you, if he is indeed gay.

I know having to be patient can be tricky, but give it a chance and see what happens. You could be pleasantly surprised.

Just don't run into things,

I hope this works out for you,

Good Luck :)

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Toby Fuller


I can help with your questions about coming out, dealing with people after coming out, relationships and how to handle the community with being gay and dealing with life after and before coming out, the thing is that, you don't need to do any of this alone.


Being a gay male myself, I have already experienced coming out, having to deal with family, friends, the world etc. I have dated before and have had bad experiences that I would like other people to avoid. Also trying to deal with school while I was there.

I have a degree in English Literature and Mass Communications

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