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So me and my bf have been fighting for about 3 months and he says that i am mean to him i do t think i am meaner than i normally am now that i am the one that has to pay for everything he lost his job i bothers me that he has had  3 (5)jobs in 3 years he cant seem to keep his mouth shut at least thats what i say he now has a new job but i have been thinking if i should be with someone closer to my age hes 25 im 32 the other problem we have is he says i cant satisfy him sexually im top hes vers top says that he needs to fuck someone just to get off hes tired of jacking off when we have sex i havent even had the urge to have sex with him either any advice would help

Answer
Dear A,

It could be a matter of the age difference. I think a person at 25 is sometimes in a very different place (depending on the maturity of the individual) than a person at 32.
It sounds like he is still trying to find what it is he wants to do in regard to a career/job and that he may not be as "settled" as you are at 32.

He may feel that you are being mean but what you really are is frustrated. You seem to be frustrated with his lack of focus as far as finding a job with some security and a future plan.

You should sit down with him and have an open and honest conversation with him about what it is you both want out of life and where you both see yourself in about 7 years. (The difference in your ages.) You may discover he is far behind you in where he sees himself when you are 39 and he's 32.

As far as the sex I think if the relationship was truly solid the sex would not be an issue. I know couples that are very much in love and for many reasons such as health issues can't have sex at all. But they still remain in love. It all depends on what each person wants to be getting out of the relationship. It has to include mutual respect, understanding and love.
Communication is also key above all else. It's very important to be open and honest about what each of you is feeling so you can work together as a "team" and solve any problems.

My advice is to have an open and honest conversation about what is happening and why you seem to be fighting and work on solutions to solve the issues that cause the fights.

If they don't seem to be issues that can be worked out you can at least part friends and move on in a more positive direction for each of you. But any relationship where there is love is worth at least trying to talk it over and see if the issues can be resolved.

I wish you much peace and happiness,
Gary  

Gay Life

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Gary

Expertise

I can answer questions about coming out as well as dealing with the death of a partner or spouse. I am very compassionate and caring and will often rely on my own life experiences of coming out and loss of a loved one to help others. Losing someone you love is never easy and being in a gay relationship can often add to that feeling of isolation and loneliness.

Experience

I have worked closely with Mass Equality to fight for the right for people of all genders and lifestyles to get married. I have also participated in many LGBT Grief Support Groups.

Organizations
Gay Men's Bereavement Group

Education/Credentials
BA- English-Sociology-Psychology I year - New England School of Law

Awards and Honors
National Honor Award for Bereavement and Grief

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