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Gay Life/Crushes and Distance


Hi Toby,
I'm from Paris, but until last week was in the US for work. While there a guy I had spotted during work asked a mutual friend to introduce us in a completely straight scene. He invited me out for dinner, took me out for sports and sightseeing and we had a great week together. We were intimate even with his straight friends around. We slept together and cuddled for two nights but didn't have sex. we talked about it, and he said he knew himself and didn't want to get too attached. He thought we had a lot in common and when I was there told me he wished I lived there.
I know it's crazy, but I was willing to try and move for work anyway. Now I am back and keep thinking about him. I think I like him, both physically and emotionally and wonder whether it'd be worth bringing this up
with him at all, and tell him I miss him and somehow wouldn't want to lose him. I wonder if it'd make sense. I don't know if I am being childish, and how to approach him not to scare him anyway. What would you advise?

Hi Simon,

This is in no way childish, you have a crush. Nothing wrong with that at all!

In todays day and age, we have so many ways of communication, you can SMS, email, Facebook even and chat with him on there.

At least that way you can still talk and catch up and still have some sort of communication with him.

It could be that he feels the same way you do, to be honest I say that if you can move then go for it, worse they can do is say no, and then you would be able to see him on a regular base and if things went well, that is fantastic.

For now at least keep an email conversation going or something along those lines.

And then if you can go back, do so for a holiday if you can't go over for work.

Don't let this go, keep up conversations and if you can move over then go from there.

Good Luck

Hope it works out

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Toby Fuller


I can help with your questions about coming out, dealing with people after coming out, relationships and how to handle the community with being gay and dealing with life after and before coming out, the thing is that, you don't need to do any of this alone.


Being a gay male myself, I have already experienced coming out, having to deal with family, friends, the world etc. I have dated before and have had bad experiences that I would like other people to avoid. Also trying to deal with school while I was there.

I have a degree in English Literature and Mass Communications

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