Gay Life/Relationship Issue
I really want some inputs on what should I do, I'm in a confusing situation.
So, there is this guy from my school who had a huge crush on me. We both sat in the same hall during my finals and that started our conversation, i come to find out that he is indeed a sweet guy.
We stopped talking for a while, but somehow he got my number and started texting, we got into talking, we sometimes talked whole night through and sometimes we went a couple of weeks without talking. He started giving me hints that he liked me, i liked him too back then as a friend. But then everything tipped over, he stzrted acting weird saying i shouldatleast text him thrice a day, thats the least i can do, he started calling me at around midnight and said he was crazy for me and stuffs. I didnt stop him, i was kind of liking the feeling of being in love or should i say i was flattered, but theres the thing that i am not sexually attracted to him. I dont mean to be a bigot or a body shammer or anything but he is on the heavier side, and he talks a little feministically and i cant picture myself with someone like that. Am i internally conflicted with stereotypes, am i bigotted?
On our birthday(we both share our birthday on may1) I decided to tell him that i dont feel the way, he does about me, he was shattered, i didnt say a word about his physique though, i know he hates his gain of weight, and i was the one who helped him get comfortable in his own skin. He says he loves me for that. I just didnt wanted him to spend him wasting him tym in daydreaming instead of studying, he has a tendency to do that and he is in his graduating class.
Okay, so the major thing, this past few days, I just want to start my own family, i want to fall in love, marry someone, have kids, so much so that i am thinking of calling him and talking to him freely, i know he would talk to me.
It all started upon hearing maroon 5's song, 'It was always you', all i could think about during the entire song was him. Infact, i have been starting to search shirtless pics of men on heavier side and i find them remotely sexual.
So, my questions are too many,
1. Am I a bigot or is he just not my type?
2. Am I taking him for granted?
3. Am i desperate and needy because it is hard as it is to find respectable gay guys in India who dont want just sex?
4. Am i in love? Or am i being really selfish
5. What should i do, i dont want to loose him as a friend
6. what should i do with my life in general?
I know it is very difficult to find gay men in India as it is not so very much accepted to be gay in your country.
I think you should get to know him. Be honest with him. Follow your heart and think about if you love him for what's inside or not. The outside may change some day. He may lose weight. So if you like him try not to judge him based on that.
Tell him you want to be his friend. At least start that way and get to know him more. You may grow to love him. It's not something you need to rush into.
As for what you should do with your life in general, what do you want out of life? A relationship? Happiness? Once you can answer these types of questions you can discover the life you desire. Nobody is able to tell you the answer to that question. It can only be found in your own heart.
Don't judge people for what is on the outside. You may miss out on something amazing on the inside!
I wish you much happiness,