Gay Life/Is it sinful


Good morning Ben,

From last two to three years I am having urges to seek a gay top partner and spend my whole life with him. I am not only into fulfilling my sexual desires but also wish to adopt a child to be a parent and shower my motherly love too. I tried a few dating sites too but no success. I am always in a dilemma whether is it normal to be a gay or its a sin?

I would be grateful to seek your help?

Hi Akash.

Being gay is now generally believed to be an inherent trait people are born with. From my own experience, it certainly wasn't a choice, just something that's always been part of who I am.

It's not for me (or anyone) to say whether or not it is "sinful" - rather, it is down to what beliefs an individual has regarding what is or is not sinful. I'm not a religious person and I therefore don't really believe in "sin". I believe there is right and wrong and good and bad.

I don't believe being gay is right or wrong or good or bad, it's just a form of sexuality. There are good gay people and bad gay people - the fact that they are gay doesn't directly affect that. The choices people make and the actions they take are what defines them as "good" or "bad" people and even then, what is considered good or bad is very subjective.

Hindus believe eating beef is a bad thing, Muslims do not; Muslims believe eating pork is a bad thing, Hindus do not. Some people believe capital punishment or execution or criminals is the right thing to do, others believe it is wrong.

Unfortunately, there is no straightforward answer to whether or not being gay is a "sin", it comes down to your own personal beliefs and religion (if you are religious). Ultimately, it is up to the individual to accept their actions as right or wrong.

Personally, I think to consider someone who is born gay as a "sinner" is no different to considering a person born with a certain skin colour as a "sinner".

I would say your sexuality and desire to be a parent is normal and perfectly healthy, but ultimately it is up to you to decide what you believe in, no one can tell you what to believe.

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Questions relating to coming out to friends and family, social issues, issues in the workplace, relationship issues, issues relating to gay life in general. Issues relating to gay sex, protection and sexually transmitted infections and worries about first time gay sex. I can also answer questions in relation to being gay and religion.


I am a 30 year old gay man and have been out since I was 15 at high school. Although I am not religious, I attended Catholic schools and have experience dealing with pressures religion can place on a gay person. I have a wide variety of friends from all different backgrounds, races, sexualities, religions, etc. I have also had several relationships, am sexually experienced and have an understanding of relationship issues and dilemmas, sexual issues and experience of the gay scene. Although I have plenty of experience of the gay scene, I am not personally interested/involved in it anymore. Most of my current friends are actually straight males and I'm not particularly involved in any scene at all. Therefore, I can quite easily talk to guys about issues they would rather not associate with "gay" - confusion, bi-curious issues and just normal uncertainties men might have. I have no promblem discussing issues with anyone regardless of sexuality or gender, etc. (within reason of course).

Occupation - NHS Scotland (National Health Service Scotland) - part-time. Part-time study.

Currently studying BA Honours in English Language & Literature and have previously studied Psychology at university level. Four A's at Higher level Psychology, Sociology, Philosophy and English.

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