Gay Life/inquiry


I had gotten these emails from a guy pretending to be someone that I used to work with.
I say pretend, because his email was all about how he had a problem and wasn't living the life he wanted to sexually (which doesn't sound like the person I worked with).So, I know this was overboard, I emailed him asking if he was the guy sending the emails & when I didn't get a response for a few days, I found his address & mailed a letter to his house.
Unknowingly, it was his parents house.
The letter I wrote was all "Is this you/Do I have the real person...." & I included the not living the way the guy wanted to sexually.
He emailed me saying that his Mom read the letter & had he had to go there and explain the letter & then he said that he thought that I was delusional.
In my opinion, there was no harm in that letter. I was just trying to get at if it was or wasn't him.  So my thought was that there was nothing to explain to his Mom unless the gay part was true......Do you agree or am I delusional as he says?

Hi Jeff.

I don't think you are delusional, but I think you probably jumped the gun a bit sending a letter to his house. If you emailed him and he didn't reply after a few days, you probably should have just ignored it - a few days isn't always enough for a person to reply for any number of reasons.

Sending a letter to his house when you didn't know who he lives with was probably a bit reckless, especially since he said he "wasn't living the life he wanted to sexually" which suggests he might be closeted and therefore possibly living with people who don't know about his sexuality. As a rule, if someone emails you, it's better to reply by email as they probably wanted only you to read the email they sent directly to you.

However, it's also pretty odd that his mother opens and reads his mail. I know my mother would never do that and it's generally thought of as inappropriate to read other people's mail, especially personal letters. So I wouldn't worry too much as you couldn't have known she would read it.

If you still have the email he sent originally about his sexuality, I would forward it back to his email saying you are "delusional" and ask him why did he send this previous email in the first place. You could even print it off and show him in person if you expect to see him in person (not in front of his family members, etc. though).

If he didn't send the email and someone else was using his account, at least he will know that it was an honest mistake on your part and that someone is using his email account, if that's the case.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, it all sounds like an unfortunate misunderstanding to me. However, I wouldn't send any more letters to his house to avoid any more problems.


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Questions relating to coming out to friends and family, social issues, issues in the workplace, relationship issues, issues relating to gay life in general. Issues relating to gay sex, protection and sexually transmitted infections and worries about first time gay sex. I can also answer questions in relation to being gay and religion.


I am a 30 year old gay man and have been out since I was 15 at high school. Although I am not religious, I attended Catholic schools and have experience dealing with pressures religion can place on a gay person. I have a wide variety of friends from all different backgrounds, races, sexualities, religions, etc. I have also had several relationships, am sexually experienced and have an understanding of relationship issues and dilemmas, sexual issues and experience of the gay scene. Although I have plenty of experience of the gay scene, I am not personally interested/involved in it anymore. Most of my current friends are actually straight males and I'm not particularly involved in any scene at all. Therefore, I can quite easily talk to guys about issues they would rather not associate with "gay" - confusion, bi-curious issues and just normal uncertainties men might have. I have no promblem discussing issues with anyone regardless of sexuality or gender, etc. (within reason of course).

Occupation - NHS Scotland (National Health Service Scotland) - part-time. Part-time study.

Currently studying BA Honours in English Language & Literature and have previously studied Psychology at university level. Four A's at Higher level Psychology, Sociology, Philosophy and English.

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