AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between.
IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them!
Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 20,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.
Question QUESTION: I am 20 years old, and I have been dating a guy (he is 24) for a month now, and a few days ago he asked me to go on a trip to Vegas with him, his best friend, and a girl his best friend is bringing. Things between us have been amazing so far, he has a lot of qualities I like in a guy, and I think the feeling's mutual.
My concern is, since we've only known eachother for a month, would it be appropriate to go away with him? It would be 3 days and 2 nights. I really want to go, but I am afraid by going away with him so soon might jeopardize our future potentially great relationship.
What are your thoughts? If i should refuse, how should I phrase it so that he knows I'm still interested in him, and perhaps we can go away together another time?
Thanks so much for any tips you can give me
Elisa N.
ANSWER: Hello Elisa!
OF COURSE you should go away with him if you want to. Consider this however: sex is going to be part of this trip, so if you haven't had sex with him yet, consider whether you're ready or not.
Going away on a trip with someone early on in a relationship doesn't CAUSE problems, it simply exposes them. Do you get the difference? When you're on a trip with someone, you have "concentrated-them" - and they, you. That means that all your little issues come out in a very short time.
Obviously, these problems will also come out down the road too in smaller chunks, but it's the strength of the people in the relationship that dictates whether the relationship itself can survive. Wouldn't it be better to know that early on rather than 2 years down the road after all that time and energy being invested?
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Dr. Neder,
Thank you for your quick reply! I have one follow up question. I am a college student, and he is a well off guy. He's been paying for virtually all our dates and never made any comments about it as to complain about that. Since he asked me to go on the trip, should I expect that we will pay for everything again? I feel a little bad about him always paying, so I feel that I should offer to split the cost of the trip. I am not even sure how to approach the subject, since we never discussed it. He did say that he got a great deal on the cost of the hotel, and told me exactly how much. Do you think that might have been a hint? Any tips?
Thank you again,
Regards,
Elisa
Answer Hello again Elisa!
My dear, that is an EXCELLENT question!
Particularly in the early part of a relationship the rule is: who asks, pays. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be returning something. For instance, when you're home and he takes you out for dinner, why not offer to come over to his house and cook him a nice meal?
On the trip, it's assumed that he'll pay all the basic costs - travel, room, etc., but that doesn't mean you can't treat him to a mean or two or three, etc. For instance, maybe you pay for all the lunches or offer to pick up tickets to a show you'd both like to see.
Another thing you can do is this: tell him that you really appreciate the fun times and you'll give him a backrub one evening after a romantic bath together, or offer to buy drinks, etc. There are a thousand little gestures than really add up quickly.
The idea is this: investment and contribution to a relationship is a two-way street. Often, one person is better able to afford it financially, but that's not really the point. You want to balance things and if you can't always pay, provide some other benefit in kind. What you're saying is simply, "I like and respect you too."
Isn't that the message you want to send?
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
