AboutNatalia Expertise I can answer most questions on relationships, including those involving problems in relationships, sex questions, and emotional aspects of a relationship.
Experience I've been in several relationships, which have all been varied. I have consequently been through many situations and learnt from them. I have also seen, helped and learnt from my friend's relationships. My friends often ask for advice on practically anything, so try me, I'll almost certainly have something to say! Anything you want to ask or get advice on, I'll try my best to help with. But I also think it's important that I be honest. You need an answer that will help you, not solely to make you feel better.
Expert: Natalia Date: 6/24/2008 Subject: No passion
Question I have been dating/living with my boyfriend now for almost 2 years. We both got into our relationship very fast and both just got out of long term relationships (we both seem to have always been in long term 3+year relationships) A little backround: he had an abusive father who also watched alot of porno which now he also does online which I find not that he tells me. Our relationship we dont really every fight too much only about 4 big fights but were short lived. Some times I know he cares then the rest of the time about 80% of the time I just question if he its just easy to stay together or if he really loves me and plans to spend forever with me. There is no passion at all no supper affection in publix like where the guy lets every one know your his, he NEVER EVER gets jealouse.dont kiss w/ passion just short small kisses. We only have sex about 2-5 times a month and we dont even kiss again no passion seems more like the act or going through the motions some times I think its just b/c I complain we dont have sex, I think it has to do w/ the fact he looks at porn online but wont admit it and says i dont really look at it that much its been a long time... I feel like he could just leave our relationship and wouldnt really hurt or bother him to much.I really feel like im more into the relationship, he never jsut calls to say hi some times hes supper nice some times he seems annoyed. I know he would never ever cheat on me hes not that type of guy but I am scared he isnt head over heals im the girl of his dreams and he will find some one else he likes more more his style like punkish. I dont feel like I am super special to him even though when I talk about it w/ him he says I am but he just isnt pda really. but we dont even snuggle at night he says I make him hot. I feel like his last realionship the girl was more his type punkish and he really was head over heals w/ her and did everything for her now I feel like the roles are revirsed in our relationship. What should I do? I do really care about him and he is so perfect to me and we get along there just seems like somethings missing.
Answer Hi Step,
First of all let me apologise for the delay, I haven't been well and have barley got out of bed, though I am better now. I hope it hasn't been too much of an inconvenience.
Honestly I don't think your relationship is going to change, you can usually tell whether it's just stuck in a rut and needs a bit of a kick start or if like you said the passion is not there and nor will it be. Obviously every relationship goes through a honeymoon phase the first few months and then settles down to a calmer level but this is more than that. Even at that calmer level you would have sex more often, would get jealous etc.
I don't think porn is a factor in the lack of sex, trust me men have enough sex drive to go around, plenty of porn or not. To only have it 2-5 times a month suggests there is something seriously wrong. I think you actually know what's going on here and perhaps just want some confirmation. Because judging by what you have told me I would say that you are both together because it's easier, you're together for the sake of it. I'm sure he does care for you but you are both better off as friends than in a relationship. Everything about your relationship that you have described to me draws me to this conclusion.
I know it's not what you want to hear, but I wouldn't be helping by telling you something I didn't believe to be true. You now need to ask yourself whether you want to continue this relationship knowing that life is just passing by and you are effectively "wasting" time that you could be really enjoying yourself and being happy. Deep down he doesn't make you happy. I know its hard but I really do believe that friendship is what you are both destined to have. It already sounds like you are more like friends than lovers... Realistically speaking things are not going to change as the key ingredients are missing... passion and being IN love not just loving. You need to decide now what you are going to do about that. You do deserve better.
I hope I have helped and feel free to follow up if you need any more advice. Once again I apologise for the delay.
yours
Natalia
