AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between.
IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them!
Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 20,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.
Question I need a date for a dinner party so I called up a guy I haven't spoken to in over a year last night and he said "let me get back to you on that one". Now I'm waiting for his call. Do you think he did it just to politely say no? How do I convey to him that I'm not using him and I really want to reconnect? What do I do? We grew up together and we were always very good friends (always coming over, very comfortable, close, etc) we lost touch after high school because we were both busy, but we parted on good terms. I remembered how close we were and decided to invite him to this event. I promised the host of this event that I would have a guest, so she booked a seat for my then boyfriend. I was supposed to go with my boyfriend, but then we broke up. I have no intentions of dating my old friend. When I called he was polite and courteous. I gave him my cell number and he asked me to repeat the number (maybe writing it down?) I'm very nervous and afraid I've made a fool of myself and ruined any chance at friendship.
Answer Hello Calire!
First of all, no, this wasn't his way of telling you "no". Women often do that, but it's extremely rare in men - so rare as to be highly unlikely. It reflects a difference in communication systems that is beyond the scope of this answer.
I think he sincerely needed to check his schedule and possibly move an appointment or something to see if he could join you.
You didn't blow anything here, but you need to have an answer, so I think you should call him up again and get an absolute so that you can find someone else to take.
With that said; what do you really want here? Is it really a friendship? You certainly can have anything you want, but be careful of what you ask for.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com
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