AboutNafeesah Expertise I can answer just about any question except ones that require assistance from a mental health counselor because of the sensitivity in nature of dealing with some topics. I am not one of those types of people who will sugar coat answers I keep it honest and real.
Experience I talk to different people all the time about dating both male and female
Organizations Phi Theta Kappa and Alpha Phi Omega
Publications Associated Content
Education/Credentials I have an associates degree in General Studies, Bachelors in Sociology, and I am a certified nursing assistant
Expert: Nafeesah Date: 7/3/2008 Subject: Parents Don't Like Boyfriend, But Parents Are Insane
Question My boyfriend and I met when I dropped out of an Ivy League University and I couldn't go back and see my parents out of shame and the emotional consequences I was sure would follow. I met my boyfriend on the internet and he invited to move in with him even though at that time he had little money and was pushing boxes for Stock Building Supply. I liked him because he was the most caring person I had ever met and loved me despite my fatness at the time and overall depression. I knew he wasn't an alpha male, but I kept hoping things would gradually improve.
I motivated him to go back to college and pursue his long lost dream of electrical engineering. His Mom always wanted him to do that before she died in his youth. He is the first one in his family to go to college. His family is extremely poor and describe themselves as "rednecks." My parents are European elitists.
My parents also happen to be crazy. They raised me and my elder sister extremely strictly with high emphasis on academics. However, they let my younger sister go. She has recently become extremely abusive and spoiled, and the whole family defers to her - possibly out of fear. When I heard that my boyfriend could not return to the house (we temporarily lived with my parents) to pick up his suitcase and my schoolbooks because my younger sister did not want to see my boyfriend (whom she calls a "dog...and I don't speak to dogs" and "a fag" - because he is kind and calm) and would not unlock the door - I started to realize my parents had really lost control of the situation.
I knew my parents were crazy, but I was really frustrated with my boyfriend's reaction. He always goes off and tries to solve things "his way." He never really makes a plan and I always have to plan for him. I wound up helping him extensively to cram for school because he never plans and does his homework on time unless I grind his nose to the book. I got him a job at the company where my parents work though - and he has impressed the socks off of his employers with his learning curve; so it's not that he's stupid - he just only does what he is interested in. And he seems to be interested in innovation and theory more than math and application. So he is not very practical and I always have to pick up after him.
He hates my family and calls them psycho. He has started lying to me about talking to my parents when I request it. He also previously lied to me about doing his homework on time. His future as an engineer is contingent upon his doing well in school. He knows this but sheilds the truth from me.
He used to be much more lazy but has been working much harder recently: he and I now make the same amount of money and people love him at his work.
But fundamentally, aside from conflicts with my family, it is very hard to get him to "think ahead" and to take care of things for me. If we ever travel - I have to make the reservations. I have to arrange things with our professors. I have to remind him about things that seem obvious to me. I have to completely take charge of the relationship.
My parents expected me to marry a man with business on his mind who would help financially free the both of us in the economic game. More and more I realize I will have to be a patent lawyer in order to make my parents' dreams come true. I can no longer tell what my own dreams were. I am under so much stress because I feel like I always have to be in control.
How can I increase his level of responsability and what would you suggest for dealing with my parents?
Thanks.
Answer Your parents only want the best for you and the things they never had, but it's time to live your own dreams because you have a right to pursuit the dreams you have in whatever you set your mind to. Your boyfriend may have some issues to the fact that your family excuses your sister's behavior. Had things been different the first national bank of mommy and daddy would have been long cut off if your sister was acting like she is now. Seems like you got a lot on your shoulders to deal with.
I would not worry too much because you're not going to pursuit your parents dream when they should be focused on supporting you in what you want to do other than telling you how to live your life, who you should love and marry and where you go to school at. Live your best life and your own dreams and let time deal with your folks. Seems to me you got yourself together it's just that your boyfriend needs to keep himself focused on tasks placed before him.
Your man should be a more stand up guy because if you get married that's what you want from him is a man who stands up and handles his buisness. Don't worry about your parents because when you left school obviously you had to break your parents thirst for overacheivers when they should be glad to have daughters who are doing something positive with themselves. As for your sister your parents didnt set boundaries with her and checked her when she needed to be checked.
