AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between.
IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them!
Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.
Question Ya know this isn't a relationship question. But I have th feeling u can give me some great insight.
I remember you saying you don't like feminists much, and I have to agree to some extent, I really don't like them either. I think they're way too radical and they've totally harmed our own gender. Also feminists, especially feminist writers and feminist musicians, seem really high strung and not comfortable with sexuality.
However, I have to note one interesting exception.
The singer Tori Amos is a noted feminist musician...yet her whole style is totally SEXUAL and RAW and AGGRESSIVE.
And much of her lyrics are VULGAR, LEWD, and CRUDE as well.
Oh yeah, and if you look in her eyes during music videos, I watched her vids on YouTube, they have this crazy sexual fire in them. It's hard to explain.
Now how can u explain a phenomenon such as this?
How can one be a feminist, and yet such a crass, openly sexual female musician?
I haven't seen too many women be able to be both. actually almost NO one. How does Tori pull off the feminist sexpot thing?
Answer Hello Veronica!
Actually, I've never said that "...I don't like feminists..." The reality is that I don't give any particular group "like" or "dislike". I judge everyone on a case-by-case basis. However, the majority of them that I've met or talked to are nitwits - as individuals - that would rather lick-up a bunch of "feel-good dogma" than to have their own minds about things.
I'm involved in the music industry as I've been a musician for over 30 years, but I never listen to Tori Amos and thus, I can't speak specifically about her music. What I can say is that it's extremely unlikely that she writes her own tunes. More likely, she might be given minor credit on it, but that doesn't mean she's a direct contributor.
What you have to understand is that music is a business and as a business it's the businesspeople that make the decisions about what you'll hear from any particular artist. There are rare exceptions such as Prince and Sting (not that they're stuff is particularly better for this), but they have established themselves in the industry in a way where they call their own shots.
Pop musicians like Tori Amos (and 99.9% of the rest) do what they're told to do. They have images that are created by publicists and sing music they're giving my the people that spend the money on marketing - record labels.
These companies see a marketing niche (angry women) and attempt to fill it by promoting an agenda. Those that believe in the agenda will buy the music. It's that simple. The point is that a marketing suit is making the decision for the artist - and pulling all the strings here. You put the onus on the artist, but she's NOT the person creating this persona at all.
Well,I said I didn't want to dwell on negatives but It seem I might have opened a wound with a number of people in this group.
Let me see if I can pose an open question and see if we all can put a positive spin and learn from it.
Something I've pondered.....Why does top 40 radio overwhelmingly play more music by Sheryl Crow, Kelly Clarkson, Katherine Mcphee,Alanis Morisette,Avril Lavigne, etc, in which these ladies songs demonize men for breaking their hearts ? The poll that Time magazine took a couple years ago arrived at the statistic that 80 % of the time it's the woman that ends the relationship, (That also includes filing for divorce first)
Is the media and the music industry sending men mixed signals or what ??
more importantly , What do you do on a date, the radio 'is on in the car,she's singing along with Nelly Furtado about how a guy should be perfect ( see the lyrics to her song "say it right" ) and you feel the lyrics are prompting her to scrutinize you ??
One woman I posed this question to actually said women don't think about the meaning of song lyrics. WHAT THE .......?????
----
[my response:]
First of all, why does the spin have to be positive. What instead about "truthful"?
I don't see the mixed messages at all. The record industry and the media promote the same gender bias: men are bad, mmkay???? When women end relationships, it is overwhelmingly believed that they do it because the man either abused them, cheated or somehow screwed up and the women left for self-preservation purposes. On another venue, look at how the media just ignores the problem of all these celebrities having kids underage and/or without the father even being around and married to the mother. They "celebrate" motherhood as though it's some miracle and the girls having the babies become heroes. What they don't care to see is that any two idiots with functioning genitalia can produce children. That doesn't make her a "mother" at all. (Can anyone say "Brittany Spears" and "Jamie Lynn Spears"???)
What really scares me about this woman not thinking about the lyrics she's singing is that she's actually implanting them into her subconscious mind by doing that!
-------------
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
