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About Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Expertise
I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com

Experience
I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > General Dating Questions > Approaching a guy

General Dating Questions - Approaching a guy

Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/30/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hello! My question you probably get very often lol but anyway here it goes: There is this guy I'm interested in who works at a locksmith store (works alone) and I would like to get to know him better. However I have NO experience in approaching random men for dating! So I do not know how exactly to approach him. I was thinking of maybe complimenting him on his looks or something or just saying hello but my friends say it would make me seem desperate and that men do not like when girls approach them. Another tip I was told was to buy something then “accidently” leave a book or something with my name and number behind so he can call back then I can pick it up and start a conversation about it but it seemed highschoolish to me. As you can see I’m so confused and in need of help lol! How do I approach him without looking desperate? What are some good “conversation starters”?
Thanks!

ANSWER: Hello Yanine!

No, don't compliment him on his looks. That's a very weak approach and after you've done it, where do you go from there? Also, forget that worry over looking "desperate". This is a ridiculous belief that you girls continue to propagate amongst yourself. Trust me, no guy thinks you're desperate simply because you approach him! Further, the vast (and I mean VAST) majority of men actually like being approached by women.

What you want to do is to think of some context in which to approach him. Context is actually very simple: what do you and he have in common at the instance, place and situation in which you see him?

For instance, since he works in a locksmiths shop, you might mention that you have this padlock that you've lost the key to and ask if he knows a way to cut keys for it without the original. This opens the conversation. To continue, ask him where he learned about locks, etc.

You see, everyone has at least one thing in common when it comes to communication: we are all interested in ourselves. Use that fact to help you here! All you need to do is listen carefully to what he says and use that to continue the conversation itself! In fact, you could keep this going for hours upon hours if you do it right.

However, you neither want to nor have to do this. The point is to approach and to give him a reason to connect with you.

As soon as things get going really well, cut it off. The reason is to leave him on something of a high note. Then, just suggest that you and he continue this conversation again later (because you have to run to somewhere) and hand him your digits.

See how simple that is?

I suggest you take a look at my FAQ's about communications on my website (http://BeingAMan.com) and you should also look at my e-book, "How Women Can Approach Men" for a ton of new ideas and techniques. In fact, you have a bunch of tricks to approach men that even us guys don't have! Learn to use them and you'll never be dateless again - unless you want to be.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I guess I shouldn't follow what my friends say anymore! lol thank you so much I will definally take your advice into consideration. I was wondering if you had more scenarios? Also is there things I should do with my body? like gestures or anything that shows that I have interest in him? or it wouldnt matter?
thanks once again! :)

Answer
Hello again Yanine!

Yeah, there's actually a ton of things like this. Check the e-book as it's pretty detailed.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

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