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About Michael Talks Behavior, Culture and Relationships
Expertise
A combination of the study of human behavior, the psychology behind those actions, interviews and significant personal experience. That intensive study has provided a deep understanding of interactions, an excellent education. Behavior, for both genders, is often about unspoken feelings, underlying motives and patterns. Learning to recognize what you're seeing in others and how to interpret the meaning will tell you what people are really thinking and why they're acting as they are. Understanding others is also about what is said and what isn't, what words are used and which ones aren't. The devil, it is said, is in the details. Subtleties matter. They often determine whether you connect as you desire, have disharmony or nothing at all with someone. If you are knowledgeable, naturally focused, experienced and perceptive, you can almost predict with certainty what is coming next.

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Reporter who has done hundreds of interviews, researched material, approached strangers and dozens of acquaintances with dating, relationship and behavior questions as well as learned from numerous dating experiences. A highly attentive listener with strong skills of perception and a student of gender differences and nuances and human behavior. Answering questions around the world.

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Newspaper and radio reporter, talk show host, freelance magazine writer on dating and online feature writer. Talk show guest in Atlanta, Georgia and San Francisco, California. Please share what country you live in and if you are comfortable doing so, list the city. Thank you.

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B.A. in communications/public relations. Additional coursework and three internships in speech communications/broadcasting. Fieldwork and library of relationship & psychology literature. Have worked with over 700 people at Michael Talks Behavior, Culture and Relationships (U.S.) and over 30 more at the same name (U.K.), personal email and face-to-face.

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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > General Dating Questions > Asking out a girl

General Dating Questions - Asking out a girl

Expert: Michael Talks Behavior, Culture and Relationships - 10/25/2009

Question
Hi

I really like this girl who works in a nearby supermarket. I think she's really pretty.

What would be the best thing to say to ask her out.

I'm a very shy guy and im worried that when i go up ill freeze up or turn red from embarassment.

I really want her to say yes so i want to say the right thing.

Also if she says no can you tell me what i should say.

Usually i wouldnt even do this but my gran died recently which hurt me alot and i figured a woman saying no wouldnt be near as painful as losing gran but mostly i learned life is fragile and we should take our chances to make our own luck.

Thanks
Mark

Answer
Hi Mark,

You're so right --- take risks in life. Those who do might fail more but they also have more successess and bigger victories than those who lack confidence and fail to act.

Now on to this pretty girl who has you thinking of her. The best approach is making sure you look nice, no matter how you dress, and being confident. You show confident by first telling yourself you can do this and you will do this (approach her). Next, you look to make eye contact and not break it until she looks away. Smile easy.

Then if she smiles back, take that as an invitation to slowly approach her and make a comment based on the moment. If she's working, look around and make a comment about the people in the store or having seen her before. Anything natural to break the ice or make her laugh. Don't stand too close to her or stare and creep her out. If she responds positively, listen and make another comment before telling her to have a nice day as you walk away. At that point, turn around, after a couple of steps and ask her if she's single. If she smiles, great.

If she rejects your approach or later says she's not single, smile and walk away with your pride and confidence intact. Don't let it rock you.

What I do when I get nervous Mark is tell myself beforehand I can do it, then just before I walk up to a girl's front door or walk up to her someplace else, I take a deep breath where no one can see me and tell myself "I can do this, let's go."

You have to believe you can do it and then force yourself out of your comfort zone, take the risk and be confident and casual and warm. How a girl reacts (yes, no, indifferent) doesn't matter as much as you teaching yourself how to act in spite of being uncomfortable. And no girl gets to steal your confidence.

Believe and step out.

Best wishes,

Michael
soon to be Michael's Quick Help

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