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About Michael Talks Behavior, Culture and Relationships
Expertise
A combination of the study of human behavior, the psychology behind those actions, interviews and significant personal experience. That intensive study has provided a deep understanding of interactions, an excellent education. Behavior, for both genders, is often about unspoken feelings, underlying motives and patterns. Learning to recognize what you're seeing in others and how to interpret the meaning will tell you what people are really thinking and why they're acting as they are. Understanding others is also about what is said and what isn't, what words are used and which ones aren't. The devil, it is said, is in the details. Subtleties matter. They often determine whether you connect as you desire, have disharmony or nothing at all with someone. If you are knowledgeable, naturally focused, experienced and perceptive, you can almost predict with certainty what is coming next.

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Reporter who has done hundreds of interviews, researched material, approached strangers and dozens of acquaintances with dating, relationship and behavior questions as well as learned from numerous dating experiences. A highly attentive listener with strong skills of perception and a student of gender differences and nuances and human behavior. Answering questions around the world.

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Newspaper and radio reporter, talk show host, freelance magazine writer on dating and online feature writer. Talk show guest in Atlanta, Georgia and San Francisco, California. Please share what country you live in and if you are comfortable doing so, list the city. Thank you.

Education/Credentials
B.A. in communications/public relations. Additional coursework and three internships in speech communications/broadcasting. Fieldwork and library of relationship & psychology literature. Have worked with over 700 people at Michael Talks Behavior, Culture and Relationships (U.S.) and over 30 more at the same name (U.K.), personal email and face-to-face.

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College students, military, divorced, people with romance in the workplace, substance abuse in relationships, emotional abuse in relationships, more.

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > General Dating Questions > Relationship Advice

General Dating Questions - Relationship Advice

Expert: Michael Talks Behavior, Culture and Relationships - 10/21/2009

Question
A few months ago, I started dating a man who I became very fond of. One evening, he asked to borrow $100 that he needed for car repairs. He indicated he would repay me the following Friday. I agreed to loan him the money.

The following day, he called me from the garage that he was having his car repaired and said that the repairs were going to be $416.00. Again, he agreed to repay me that Friday.

A few day later, he asked me to Western Union him $40.00 which I did. A few days after this, he asked me to Western Union him $50.00 which I did. About a week later, he asked me to Western Union him $50.00 which I did. He indicated that the reason he was broke was because he recently had to pay for his Mother's funeral with no assistance from his family.

Friday came around and he didn't pay me but he paid a friend of his money that he owed indicating that he was worried about his friend not being able to pay his rent.

At that time, he indicated that he would repay me on the 20th of this Month (yesterday#. I called him off and on all day and he didn't return my calls. Finally, he did call me and said that the reason why he hadn't returned my calls is because he had more car trouble and had to have his car towed and he had left his cell phone in his car. #I think he is lying.) Low and behold, he said that he doesn't have the money to repay me at this time but he is going to sell some personal items and will repay me at that time.

I told him that I felt betrayed, used and taken advantage of. He said that he had done nothing wrong. I am very upset about all of this and I don't know what to do.

As I stated, he feels that he has done nothing wrong and that I am over-reacting by getting upset.

What should I do? Do you think I am over-reacting? He constantly tells me he loves me; however. he said that I stick to him like glue and he is constantly dodging bullets. Should I cut my losses and move on? I sincerely doubt if he is going to repay me and I don't think he ever intended too. Please help!

Answer
Hi Angie,

I'd be very happy to help.

Please read below. :)

"A few months ago, I started dating a man who I became very fond of. One evening, he asked to borrow $100 that he needed for car repairs. He indicated he would repay me the following Friday. I agreed to loan him the money."

---I've heard similar stories before from women. Almost all turned out badly for them. Here's some insight -- no quality man is going to ask to borrow money early in the relationship or often in the relationship. Seeing such a thing is always a RED FLAG, a danger sign. Most women are trusting and love to help so they go along, unaware that these guys see it as a gift, knowing you want to share, and they have little to no intention of repaying the loan.

"The following day, he called me from the garage that he was having his car repaired and said that the repairs were going to be $416.00. Again, he agreed to repay me that Friday."

---You have a loving, giving heart. He's a taker, a scam artist and I seriously doubt you're the first woman he's pulled this little scam on. He likely uses women to pay for his life.

"A few day later, he asked me to Western Union him $40.00 which I did. A few days after this, he asked me to Western Union him $50.00 which I did. About a week later, he asked me to Western Union him $50.00 which I did. He indicated that the reason he was broke was because he recently had to pay for his Mother's funeral with no assistance from his family."

---And you can be assured the talk about his mother's funeral is a ruse, a total lie. And to use his mother's funeral as an excuse, a story, to appeal to you as a woman, is very low, and reflective on his criminal mind. And his behavior is criminal if he's done this to others. You might even call the police to report him.

"Friday came around and he didn't pay me but he paid a friend of his money that he owed indicating that he was worried about his friend not being able to pay his rent."

---Another lie. Suprise!

"At that time, he indicated that he would repay me on the 20th of this Month (yesterday#. I called him off and on all day and he didn't return my calls."

---Another surprise. When men or women refuse to return calls that silence always speaks loudly. In this case he didn't have a good answer for you so he evaded you. A real winner.

"Finally, he did call me and said that the reason why he hadn't returned my calls is because he had more car trouble and had to have his car towed and he had left his cell phone in his car. #I think he is lying.) Low and behold, he said that he doesn't have the money to repay me at this time but he is going to sell some personal items and will repay me at that time."

---Yawn. He's such a schmuck. L-I-A-R.

"I told him that I felt betrayed, used and taken advantage of. He said that he had done nothing wrong. I am very upset about all of this and I don't know what to do."

He doesn't feel he's done anything wrong because he's likely spent years doing this to women, "just getting his needs met," and "giving you what you wanted too" with his company. He's a deviant. Read about psychopathy and you'll be shocked to learn that while many of those people end up in prison most of them live in our cities and walk our streets as free people.

"As I stated, he feels that he has done nothing wrong and that I am over-reacting by getting upset."

---Psychological deviants try to defend themselves by making others feel bad by even suggesting their behavior is outside of the social norm, outside of the socially acceptable. If they can get us to believe that we are offensive, we back off and they can continue to exploiting others.

"What should I do?"

---Call the police if you want. They might help if others have reported him. Other than that, realize he's a con man and get away from him, stay away from him and if he contacts you again, tell him you wish him the best but your relationship is not healthy. Hopefully he will see he can't exploit you any longer and will leave you alone.

"Do you think I am over-reacting?"

---Absolutely not. That he's got you even asking that question shows how effective a con he is.

"He constantly tells me he loves me; however."

---The question to ask is what's his motivation? Not that you're not lovely and desirable but look at what he gets from you, what he most wants -- $$$. Most cons charm the pants and wallets of trusting women. They give you the good feelings you want so they can get what they really need, with no remorse. None.

"he said that I stick to him like glue and he is constantly dodging bullets. Should I cut my losses and move on?"

---If I was your brother, best male or female friend I'd say --- Angie, kick this guy to the curb, give him a bus ticket, figuratively speaking and never interact with him again. He's a leach.

"I sincerely doubt if he is going to repay me and I don't think he ever intended too. Please help!"

---Angie, we all get taken somehow by someone in our lives. It's happened to me, it's happened to you, it's part of life, no matter how sad and sick it is. And you're right, forget repayment. It's not happening. Consider what happened you paying tuition for a life lesson. Don't feel stupid. You were a caring heart that a good man will love. This guy preys on many. You're not alone. He was lying from the start.

You're smarter now like any of us who's been misled and taken advantage of; you can protect yourself better from this point forward and the silver lining is you will be able to help others do the same, hopefully before they get too beat up.

Freedom from him will feel good. :)

Best wishes for a healthy relationship relatively soon Angie,

Michael
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