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About Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Expertise
I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com

Experience
I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > General Dating Questions > Trouble etting over ex GF who dumped me

General Dating Questions - Trouble etting over ex GF who dumped me

Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/27/2009

Question
Sir -

I have just been dumped (5 weeks ago) by what i thought was the love of my life.

We met at work - she was visiting for 2 months from Germany and we had a whirlwind romance. I couldn't believe I'd found the woman of my dreams - I lost my head completely - the sex was just out of this world and i really liked spending time with her. life was just so much fun.

She said she wanted us to try a long distance relationship until she could move. I was skeptical but went wit the flow and ended up getting vulnerable. I ended up losing my job and have been unemployed for 8 months. I went to see her in Germany. She came to visit in the summer. It was just wonderful.

Then out of nowhere, she went to a friends wedding and came back and said she met a guy. he's really interesting. so piss off.

I was in shock. I am having some luck with job interviews. Things were finally going to work out. I really wanted us to be together and have kids. And she did a 180 turn out of nowhere. All that love talk was a lie. The whole realtionship was a lie. She said she felt lonely.

The long distance relationship lasted 7 months and i became delusional that it was real. She used me and chucked me as soon as something easier/better came along.

My feelings are a mess. I hate what she did and yet I still long for her. She wanted to be friends. I told her I can't be friends with someone that disrespects me and doesn't value me the way i valued her. All talk on my end, cos i would jump in a flash to hold her again and stare into her eyes.

Please give me some advise. Any words of encouragement to get over this heartache. Her birthday is coming up and I really want to maintain no contact. But, am debating if I should send her a single rose with a simple Happy Birthday message.

I know I sound weak and am suffering from lack of confidence and self esteem issues. I am in pain. I don't know how to move on.

Answer
Hello Aron!

DO NOT send her a rose or a card or anything! You need to get entirely over this girl - not try to keep a connection going.

Look, I know you're hurting, but the reality is (and something that she figured out): long-distance relationships simply never work. Relationships are complicated enough! Add the distance and all the incredible pressure and drama that brings and you're opened up for nothing but heartache.

You need to get over all of this so you can move on - don't try to keep it open so that you continue to hurt.

On my website (http://BeingAMan.com) if you click on "self help" and then "miscellaneous articles" you'll find one called the "34c Deprogramming Miracle Cure". It'll tell you how to change your entire attitude about this girl. If you carefully follow it's instructions and really work on it over the next few weeks, you're going to find that she fades away and becomes a distant - and likely fond - memory. That's the best you can hope for.

More important, you'll be able to heal up so that you can find someone right there in your own backyard that you can have a REAL relationship with - and that feels the same about you that you feel for her.

Don't wait. The time to change this right this very second.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

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