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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon request...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

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Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and loving.

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General Dating Questions - Do I stand a chance?

Expert: Azure - 10/29/2009

Question
I met this girl about a year and a half ago in college, and i asked her to eat lunch but we never got around to it till around last month. There was absolutely no planning involved...I saw her randomly one morning while I was waiting for class and we decided to go eat afterwards. We ate at one of those pay at the counter spots, and as i was taking out my wallet she jumped in front of me and said "It's my treat!" and of course i ask her why, and her answer is "I want to", and i just offer to treat her next time and she responds enthuisiastically with "OK!" During lunch, she asked me if i wanted a girlfriend and i told her "i dont know" and she offered to set me up with a friend of hers that was younger than me but i told her i like older women (shes older) and she also said she wasn't looking for a boyfriend because it was a distraction. We went to the museum afterwards out of complete spontaneity and just talked which i absolutely loved. We spent about 3-4 hours together that day. We also mentioned to each other places we could go in the future like the zoo, aquarium, movies, etc.

After I got home that day, i wrote on my facebook status "good day" and she commented on it saying "hope i had something to do with it! hahaha" which really got me thinking. There was alot of conversation that day that I honestly do not remember...I mean come on, 3-4 hours...

Anyway We went to lunch again 2 days ago, and we ate for about 2 hours just talking and enjoying ourselves. I noticed she was laughing and smiling ALOT more than the first time, and she kept fixing her hair. This time we went to eat sushi instead of those quick places, and she also mentioned all these food places that she thought was good and she kept saying "I'll take you" and i just agreed. The thing is, she ended up paying AGAIN this time, but believe me I wanted to pay for this one, but she just snatched the bill away and kept it away from me. I think the bill was around 60 including tip.

So in other words, this girl has taken me out twice and she has paid both times spending about 80 dollars total and i've only spent 1 dollar which was for the museum donation...i know this makes me look like a cheapass but i had the intentions to pay both times.

Note: her birthday is on November 30th so i was thinking about getting her a little gift plus take her out to lunch (ON ME this time)...I'm 21, and she's turning 22.

In general, I just want to know if I have a chance with the girl...I love her spontaneous-ness, and her bubbly personality, but i don't want to be mistaking friendliness for something else.

Answer
always a chance--only time will tell; the statement as to fixing you up with a friend makes one wonder a bit; you really won't know what her feelings are until you make a "real" date with her, like dinner at a romantic restaurant (my suggestion instead of another lunch), and attempt to initiate some type of physical affection--her response will tell the story..

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