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About Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Expertise
I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com

Experience
I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > General Dating Questions > confused

General Dating Questions - confused

Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/27/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi ive been dating this guy for a few weeks now and he seems like a good investment for the future. The problem is that he was living with this girl for 4 years and now she has pitched again claiming half of the stuff they bought together. Im a bit stunned and feel like its got nothing to do with me but he feels it has. So how do i go about handling this?

ANSWER: Hello Ashura!

I really liked the way you put this: "...a good investment for the future." That's exactly what a relationship really is!

Why is he making you responsible for his breakup? He has entire control over that - not you. If he can't accept responsibility for his own actions, frankly, that's his problem not yours.

Gently explain to him that fact. Things ended the way they ended. If she's trying to take his stuff, all I can say is welcome to the unhappy breakup! Then, he needs to work out an amicable settlement between himself and his ex and get free from her to move on.

This has nothing to do with you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hey me again. Well i dated this guy and he and the ex were seperated for 4 months at the time. She was persistent and didnt want to leave him alone eventho she knew he had a gf. Well its 3 months later now and she got robbed called him and he ran to be by her side. Her cellphone got lost and he gave her his extra one to use! i mean like what does that have to do with him? im so angry then she still calls me to say that theyre still dating. Where does this leave me? i dont know if i did right but i gave him an ultimatum either me or her. His answer: both must go and he isnt dating her. im so hurt i cant think straight. Can you tell me how to deal with this? coz im stunned this is so beyond me!!!

Answer
Hello again Ashura!

Frankly, you only have two choices: either agree to live as the second woman or tell him to make a choice and be happy to live by whatever happens.

I think you made the right decision here. You obviously don't want to play the second wheel to the ex, and frankly, he shouldn't put you in that situation. If he can't completely dump the ex, then let him be alone for a while.

This might be a good time to get your own head on straight and see what other opportunities there are out there for you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

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