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About Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Expertise
I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com

Experience
I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > General Dating Questions > Getting an ex back

General Dating Questions - Getting an ex back

Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/28/2009

Question
ok, I know their are lots of books out on the net claiming that you can get your ex back. Does any of these books really work? What if your ex has moved on and is dating someone else? I was dumped out of the blue. I knew in my heart that it wouldnt work out cause he is very immature and insecure and he loved to play mind games. Not what I really wanted to be dealing with, but part of me is fine thats its ovet but the other part misses him even though it could never work out unless he grew up and delt with his problems (but he is one of those people with no problem always someone else). So is their a way to get an ex back after all? If my ex has moved on do i still have a chance? please Dont tell me to move on cause I have for the most part. I have hurd it all.

Answer
Hello Jane!

Even a broken watch is right twice a day, and yes, many people DO get their ex's back - some from following the advice in some (frankly) excellent books and some on their own. Get this: some even do it by asking ME how! Go figure!??

The reality is, there are far greater minds out there than mine and I encourage you and everyone to read as much of this writing as possible to improve your own life. Sometimes people read my stuff and say, "Yeah, I've heard it all before". Others read it and the light bulb goes off and things change for them, for the better. That's pretty cool not because I wrote the book at all but because THEY read it and THEY changed their lives.

Yes, you can get your ex back. The real question you should be asking however is "should you?"

Nature plays this glorious trick on each of us. When we break up with someone, we're angry and hurt and we have this flood of negative emotions. However, over time, we forget all of that pain and only remember the good, happy times. This is the most dangerous thing there is in rekindling any relationship! The reason is that, if you actually get the relationship back, soon all the old problems come rushing right back because we never fixed them in the first place.

This really IS a situation of being careful what you ask for!

Take a look at your opinion of your ex. Frankly, it's pretty far from flattering! Do you really want that back in your life? Do you really think all that was healthy or in some way beneficial to either of you? I don't.

Yes, even when someone is with someone else, it's entirely possible to get them back in your life as your boy/girlfriend. For the purposes of this message, I'll simplify the steps, (the 6 "R's") because I think that once you really give it some thought, you're going to decide this isn't the best way for you to go:

1) Reconnect. Use some reason or excuse like a holiday, event, birthday or "I was just cleaning out my phone numbers..." to contact this person. Messaging is usually ok, but the telephone is by far better.

2) Remind. Bring up a few memories of when things were good between you. Send a favorite photograph or just recount a story when you and this other person where totally connected, in love and had great, positive energy together.

3) Rekindle. Begin to rebuild those emotional (and especially sexual!) states.

4) Replace. This means both the bad memories of the past (especially the break up itself) and any new person in their lives. You do this by building new memories based on old, cherished ones.

5) Repair. You absolutely have to fix the old problems or you're going to be right back in the shit in no time! The scary part however is that the next break-up is usually far, far worse than the last one! Thus, you have to get things out into the light of day and DEAL WITH THEM. Get them fixed or they'll simply ruin what you've done so far.

6) Rebuild...the relationship itself.

That's what it takes in order to back with your ex. Do you really, really want to? Are you sure???

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
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Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

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