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About Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Expertise
I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com

Experience
I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

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General Dating Questions - my (nonexistent)love life.

Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/26/2009

Question
Hello Dr.
I am 18 years old. I graduated high school early, I'll be done with esthiology school in December and have to start my career soon so I'm very mature (most the time# for my age.... anyway I cant find a guy who I genuinely like. I feel as though I read guys and can tell they aren't worth it. I used to push guys away before they get to close, I didn't want to set myself up for failure or to be hurt. I'm usually right about every guy I meet, I can tell right away they aren't right for me. But recently I've tried letting my guard down, but Any guy I date seems to be very immature, and/or going nowhere in their lives. I've tried dating guys my age to older guys #23 24 25 year olds). I know I'm young, and I don't always mind being single, but I haven't had a serious relationship, and I want to open my heart and try to let someone in... but I will not settle. Anyway my question is, should I keep rejecting guys because I don't think they are worth it? or should I give them a few chances? what can I do to possibly look past my 'this guy isn't good for me' thought?

Thank you,
-Tetra.

Answer
Hello Tetra!

Ok, so you believe you can "read" guys and they aren't worth "it" (whatever that is). You don't want to be hurt and you think you're right about every guy you meet.

Tetra, I have to tell you that you're not so mature as you think you are. Completing things early doesn't make you "mature", it makes you fast and that's a very different thing.

In doing all of this pushing away and expecting guys in their early 20's to be something they are not, you've completely stunted your own emotional/relationship growth! You lack even basic skills to build a relationship!

It's time for a little reality check here:

1) You're not as "mature" as you think you are and that belief is preventing you from getting it.
2) You expect far more of the guys you meet than you should, or than you bring yourself!
3) If you really don't want to be hurt in a relationship, than just decide you aren't going to have them. Any relationship worth being in is going to put you at risk for being hurt. That's just the way it is. By the way, that's not my rule, it was here long before me!
4) You won't settle - but you expect all these guys to settle for you with your complete lack of skills!

I think you need to get over your bad-old self! Who you think you are, what you think you bring to the table is pure mental masturbation. Yeah, I think you need to let up and start being willing to accept people (including guys) for who and where they are - just like they have to accept you for who and where you are - which, if we're being honest here (and we are) isn't as far down the road as you think.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
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Remington Publications
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Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
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